National coming out day?

[Volf]

Well, according to Twitter (And later checked Google) It's national coming out day in the UK.

 

Soooo...

Hello!

-

But wait, there is something I want to talk about and maybe have a bit of advice on. It's all too easy to do such a thing online. These days everyone is more connected than ever, to everyone and across the world. Most of my followers on Twitter know, quite a number of people on my Facebook know, Instagram and pretty much everywhere else I am online, Now including here. But, the one place where I've not said anything? - Home.

 

My parents don't know and I just do not have the heart to tell them. I think made worse that I've been in quite a happy relationship for the past 5 years without them guessing or knowing. But apparently some say that mothers just know. If my mum did know, I do wish she would tell me or hint that she knows and it's okay. I'm not in the 'camp' area, I don't prance around, wear rainbow socks or such either. But that aside, I do think if I say anything to either of them, it would be a bad out come. Any time during a soap (Not real life) if either actor of same sex kiss or even remotely hint anything of such, Both mum and dad twist their faces up and either tut, groan or "urgh". If that's the reaction two actors give them, what's the reaction going to be when their son comes out?

 

I don't think it would be a good turn out honestly. My older sister knows and she's fine with it. My other older sister once mentioned I should tell them and my oldest brother, I think he knows and almost dropped me in it once by accident. But that was a fair few years ago. 5 years on into this relationship and I'm still no closer to telling them. Part of if me is "Well why should it concern them? They're not really in control of my life and so long as I'm happy and safe, it shouldn't matter?" Half side however "Well you've seen their reactions to things on TV about it and the outcome doesn't look good at all. It will probably be worse if you mention it".

 

So, feeling a bit stuck. Bite the bullet hard and just say it (Whilst waiting for the right time!) - Or keep it under wraps, carry on as normal. It's been 5 years anyway, what's another 5 years?

 

[KenONeill]

It's not a problem I've ever had, but it's often the case that one (and sometimes both) parents have already realised thisl

[LightRain]

I wouldn't take too much from their reaction to on screen kissing. I and many people I know react that way to any kissing on TV, maybe they do too but you have only noticed it with same sex kisses because that's related to you.

 

Have you talked with them about gay issues, judge their reaction from that, see how it is best to proceed?

 

Personally, I don't hide anything about who I am, people can take it or leave it. This isn't out of some sort of bravado, this is out of the need to not feel like I'm hiding myself from anyone, the need to just be me and only have people around me who I feel comfortable being me around. I have to say though, I have a very strained relationship with my family because of this.

 

Whatever you do, don't let you actions (or lack of) and their consequences get to you too much.

[LightRain]

1 hour ago, SkodaVRS1963 said:

*****Quoted content removed*****

 

But, the OP didn't call for special treatment, nor did he try to force anyone to listen to him.

Edited 11 October, 2017 by john999boy
Quoted OTT remarks removed

[Volf]

1 hour ago, SkodaVRS1963 said:

*****Quoted content removed*****

I respect your honesty!

But do believe me when I say I'm pretty tired too of seeing 'Pride' everywhere. I feel no need to go to the parade either, it's just not for me. I didn't make a big thing online to my friends about it either, no 'rainbows' or glitter or anything like that at all. Just straight to the point and that was that, Many weren't even fussed and everything carried on as normal. Wasn't treated any differently and nor did I even wanted to be treated differently! I'm not special, no one is, We're all the same flesh and bone at the end of the day.

And that's cool you've no problem with the orientation. 

 

I'm not really sure I follow you on being entitled to different treatment from the law? No one should be above the law and everyone should be treated the same (That and never had been in trouble with said law, nor do I plan on doing so any time soon) And as mentioned, I don't 'expect' special treatment just because I'm swinging the other way, we're all human really.

The being of this post was me just trying to get something off my chest which has bothered me for some time. That and I hardly post here, any time I do it's mainly to my own topic on my own car. I lurk around in other topics and posts, but don't really engage with people that often, if ever. Something I've wanted to work on for a while now. You all seem like a sane bunch of people!

True, I could of kept it to myself and sat on it for another 5 years. But that doesn't really get discussions going.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited 11 October, 2017 by john999boy
Quoted OTT remarks removed.

[mac11irl]

@Volf

I cant say ive had to contemplate your situation for myself either, but no doubt it can be tough.

 

As suggested, raise the issue as general chatter, the marriage referendum we in the ROI had last year and the farce in australia with the postal vote that isnt a vote thing and see how they react in those terms. 

Then throw the olde hypothetical what if a family member was gay, would that change their views? What if the hypothetical member was their son?

Gauge the reactions, dont push the conversation hard, dinner table chat about whats been on the radio during the day at work. Build it up over a few days even.

Or if they get suspicious and ask why the topic has suddenly got you interested in talking about it... go for it and see what happens.

Tutting at the tv is hardly a social cue that theyll chuck you out into the night with clothes in a bin liner...

[mac11irl]

Alternatuve outcome..

 

[gadgetman]

I'm glad the world has moved on from when I was in my teens. 

 

These days it doesn't matter, and rightly so. 

[ColinD]

I think reactions to the TV in a private place are far different from actual feelings. I know I've said a few things just to kick a debate off.

 

Not in the same situation, but if I was, I'd probably go with one parent over the other to tell them. Similar in some ways, we're not having kids. Mum has been ok with this; I think, dad, it's taken about 10 years to sink in.

 

If you tell them you'll know. They'll still love you in the relation you have with them. Of course you and only you know best. I'd be pretty sure though the mental burden of not saying is more than the other scenario.

 

You could always let it slip and then play the 'you didn't know, come on you did didn't you...'

 

Whatever comes of it, good luck. But don't let the stress of not talking, lead to other issues or worse issues between you and your partner. If sharing here, there, media etc helps, then good steps! Now, stiff drink and tell the parents, well mum 1st imho.

[S00perb]

I have had 3 or more friends 'come out' to me - never been a surprise - no idea why mind you.

Can't see parents not having guessed usually

My parents always asked me if my brother was more than just friends with his 'best friend' and I always replied, it was up to him to say.

He never did until our father died. Mother said she always knew and wished he had told dad. Too late then of course and he now regrets it.

Nothing worse than regret.

 

[CWARD]

Agree with S00perb, if you need to say it then don't wait until tomorrow as it may be too late.  They may already know but because you've not said anything then they aren't either.  Sometimes you just need to take a deep breathe and then just say it. The stress of not saying anything is probably worse for you than any reaction you're expecting and the longer you leave it the harder it will become to be honest.

[Ttaskmaster]

5 years?

 

Sounds pretty serious to me!

I have only the best hopes and wishes for you, so to that end, I will ask this one question - What will you do and how will you handle this situation, if ever you decide to get married?

 

[mac11irl]

2 hours ago, Ttaskmaster said:

5 years?

 

Sounds pretty serious to me!

I have only the best hopes and wishes for you, so to that end, I will ask this one question - What will you do and how will you handle this situation, if ever you decide to get married?

 

 

 

Come to Ireland and get married here

[Ttaskmaster]

2 hours ago, mac11irl said:

 

 

Come to Ireland and get married here

I must be missing something....?

 

[LightRain]

2 hours ago, mac11irl said:

 

 

Come to Ireland and get married here

 

Gay marriage has been legal in the UK since 2014, I believe. Quite a bit before a few other nations that are considered more progressive.

[Volf]

Thank you all for the advice. Maybe one day.

I did once come pretty close to telling mum. But chickened out, that was about two years ago.

 

Whilst it has been 5 years, I can't say we've really thought about what the next few years will hold. I guess just see what happens.

[Aspman]

It's a shame this is a big deal for you it shouldn't be.

 

My former Bro-in-law is gay. It was a big deal when he came out to his parents. But after they got over it and decided they were happy to tell others I think they were a bit shocked at the utter indifference of other people. It was funny really, they made a big announcement at a gathering "this is X's partner!", everyone one looked up said hello, waved a bit and went back to what they were doing. Which tbh is how it should be, it shouldn't be a 'thing' really. What difference does it make to anyone else? None. You're not harming anyone so why does it matter?

 

Anyway I'm ranting. I hope you find a way to be honest with your family so you can be relaxed around them and include them properly.

[S00perb]

I'd be 99% certain it is more of an issue in your mind than anyone else's, but only you can decide.

Keep us updated bud - others may benefit from your experience

[Ttaskmaster]

On 13/10/2017 at 21:13, Volf said:

Whilst it has been 5 years, I can't say we've really thought about what the next few years will hold. I guess just see what happens.

 

That'd be what I'd be concerned over - Which would be worse: Telling her you're gay, or keeping it secret by not inviting her to your wedding!!

I hope it works out for you, though!!

[Tilt]

As BT says, "it's good to talk". And good on yer.

 

A little confused though as to your 5 year relationship. Mixed relationship or have your parents just not met your partner?

I'm assuming you do not live with your parents?

 

I do think you should discuss this with at least one of them (assuming you are not living with them) at a chosen opportune moment where you will not get disturbed or overheard.

Understandably you do not want to upset them though and this can depend on the type of people they are.

 

Good luck.

[gadgetman]

7 hours ago, Tilt said:

A little confused though as to your 5 year relationship. Mixed relationship or have your parents just not met your partner?

 

I know someone who's gay and have several relationships in 20+ years, and his parents have no idea

[TheWanderer]

I don't care if you're gay or straight. And the end of the day it's what the person is like, is all that counts or matters to me.

 

I'm straight, but I have quite a few gay & lesbian friends and I have one or two straight friends, I get along with both quite happily and it doesn't bother me what they do in their private lives either. You are what you are and be proud of it.

[lupoluke]

I'd just tell them, at the end of the day they are your parents and if them of all people can't accept you for who you are then they ain't **** and your probably better off with out them.  

 

I would be mortified if my son couldn't be honest with me even if he was a shirt lifter :lol: 

 

I hope you find happiness either way and for the record I've been to the gay pride a few times and would highly recommend it, had a great time.  

 

 

 

 

[Jonny5ive]

Whatever flicks your switch, love is love as they say.

 

If you feel like you wanna tell them, do. If not, wait a while.

 

Don't stress about what their reaction may or may not be.

 

I don't suppose that has been any help at all.

 

Awesome car - that's all that matters