Erratic alarm, wiper and locking behaviour.

I have a bizarre series of erratic electrical goings on at present.

It includes the intermittent wipers not always functioning, the alarm going off about 30 secs to a 1 minute after locking the car, and the hazards not always flashing when locking the car.

I've searched and found a few similar posts in the past, most solved by slamming the bonnet. I've done this several times and sprayed lubricant all over both front and rear bonnet/boot catches.

Any ideas? Sometimes it does all the above, sometimes it doesn't. I don't have the money to deal with this kind of non-mechanical fault at present, so cheap fixes very welcomed!

In the short term is removing the alarm fuse or not deadlocking the car the way to stop the alarm triggering?