does any one no the best place to cut into the reverse and foglights for fitting a bypass relay as there in the boot lid also how to remove the inside boot side trims any help would be greatfully recieved

Don't!!!

It will give you loads of errors. You simply buy dedicated can-bus capable electronics for the tow-bar socket. If these electronics are coded correctly (and many dealers and garages screw up here) the foglights are nicely turned off when a trailer is detected.

I fitted the factory supplied electronics myself (and coded them with VCDS). This works perfectly. A few weeks ago I hired a small trailer, and I got a clear message on my Maxidot that I had to check its right indicator light (which was indeed broken). How cool is that.