when I've spent ages washing/de-tarring/polishing/waxing the car, left it to go in for a brew, come out again I find a bird's cr*ped on it ?

If I had a shotgun.

Happened to mine yesterday in Scarborough

Just wiped it off with a damp cloth

If theres plenty of protection on and its removed straight away its wont be a problem...just annoying when youve spent time getting it looking good

I have a bottle of shampoo mixed up in a bottle with a foaming head and a few microfibres for when I'm out. Softens the crap and wipes right off. Simples.

I have a spray can of bird lime diluter. Quick spray and wipe

Good one

Also after a good polish/wax etc the car in front of you decides to use its screenwash and it goes all over yours.I always seem to be behind one which there screen wash is like Sh** when it lands all over yours :(

Living on the coast bird cr** is almost compulsory!

The gulls tend to the worst in terms amount discharged & the extremely offensive nature!!

It's almost like they know when you've just finished washing/polishing etc & then bombs away!

Could be worse..

I keep a pack of auto wipes in the boot for the same reason. Dab and wipe.

It's a Fiat. Nuff said.

Birds mostly crap over water hence your shiny car or any shiny surface gets it.