Kodiaq RS with 'Sport' selected for drive mode, does that shift more torque to the rear ? as that's my permanent default, i wonder if it's detrimental to Haldex longevity 

Probably indirectly, as it sends more power to the front wheels in Sport mode (if you're accelerating harder and using the lower gears more) then as soon as they lose traction it will pass torque to the rear wheels. But I don't think it will actually change the split. (There is a UBSeleven mod that will encourage the use of the rear wheels, but this is also reported to increase fuel consumption!)