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Why can't I bring myself to commit?!

Phil-E

By Phil-E
in The Roadside Hotel

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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Hey there folks...

Well here's how it is. Been with Sven now for going on 4 years and we get on very well together and still have the same spark as we had on day one of meeting.

We have live together for 3 years now and are starting to combine finances etc.

We both get on with each others family extremely well so no problems there.

We have talked about having a civil ceremony but I have hesitated to say yes really... but not really sure why??!!

I love him very much and envisige spending the rest of my life with him anyway but can't seem to bring myself to say yes... maybe I'm just nervous about the whole thing... its a big faf with the ceremony etc.

Any advice... anyone been in a similar situation and just gone for it and not looked back since (which is exactly what I think will happen anyway!)

Thanks

Phil

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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Don't think I have doubts about the relationship... just about the commitment of the whole ceremony really... just a bit daunting i suppose.

Like I say when I think about our relationship and where its going etc I just imagine that we will be together forever and can't imagine it any other way.

I'm probably just nervous about going through with the thing... like anyone gets I suppose.

Just didn't want to say yes and jump in without making sure I was sure.

Thanks

Phil

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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Yeh we said we were going to have a talk about it some time... me saying no etc hasn't changed anything... not turned it sour or anything.. we both understand its a pretty big thing and need to be sure.

Its just nice to get things out and think about it before hand.

Thanks

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heresmo Mentor

heresmo

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It might be the thought that something might change, without really knowing what, as you've already been together happily for three years and that is a normal concern before taking the plunge, I reckon. If you both feel joy at the thought, then you'll both be confident that worries can be overcome together. Would a little more time help so that you can both get used to the idea? Perhaps even joke with each other that you hope squeezing toothpaste from the middle will still be allowed in years to come, so looking at the future with the same confidence as you look forwards now, with or without the ceremony, and I guess you'll both know when the time is right for you both :)

Best

Mo

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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I think you're right mo. It is the fear of something changing I think and just a general fear of the ceremony itself and not actually being civil partnered to Sven.

Will have a talk to him and see what we can work out...

Thanks guys.

Phil

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  • 2 weeks later...
Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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well folks. We had a talk and it helped a lot!

It came to light that I'm not worried about him being my civil partner and being commited in that sense but I'm actually just bricking it about the ceremony itself and about what my father my think (although him and Sven get on great!)

Although I didnt give a definitive "yes" I did say it the other night and Sven has hinted at me telling him in a romantic way! Any ideas ?! Im not in the slightest bit romantic! lol

Phil

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thomj42 Enthusiast

thomj42

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how's about recording the exhaust notes of your car like they did on Top Gear that time, then hooking them up to a MIDI keyboard and playing the wedding march through the medium of engine noise.

Doesn't get more romantic than that... or is that just me?

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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how's about recording the exhaust notes of your car like they did on Top Gear that time, then hooking them up to a MIDI keyboard and playing the wedding march through the medium of engine noise.

Doesn't get more romantic than that... or is that just me?

Hehe... i'm sure my felly would make lovely music through the exhaust!

And yeh think you're right. Will just know the right time when it comes along!

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MJallday Rising Star

MJallday

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what about doing it in somewhere like vegas? somewhere where its just the 2 of you? that way you avoid the pressure of friends family/faff with organising a wedding. friends of mine did it and never regretted it.

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loskie Proficient

loskie

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I've been with my Gf for 13 years we bought our house 3 years ago. Her parents keep suggesting marriage but we are happy as we are so why should we just to please them and fit in with their ideals.

Is this how you are thinking, are you happy with how things are? Do you feel you should tie the knot cause it's the done thing that others expect of you or is it what you raelly want for the pair of you? Only you can answer that.

As long as you are harming no one and happy how things are is the only way you can show commitment a civil partnership? Surely if you are commited to one another that's enough, without a ring, bit of paper big party etc.

So maybe the pair of you are commited to one another but just not in the eyes of some others. Hey that's their problem.

Gretna Green IMHO is not one of the nicest places in the country.

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sms Mentor

sms

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at the end of the day marriage is only a bit of paper, if you have doubts dont bother getting married as you both seem happy with things how they are why rush, just either stay as you are or wait for a few more years, perhaps you not ready yet!!!

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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Two stag nights!!!!

Pop that question Phil :thumbup:

Genius!!!

Hehe. Think I'm warming to the idea now.

Like I say it's not the commiting to him bit as I do want to do it and be with him. I think it will bring us even closer but its just the ceremony and maybe I will look into and suggest something more private then a big pi**-up party for everyone to attend! :D

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Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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if it helps, buying a place together is a bigger commitment than marriage nowadays :)

Don't I know it... The ammount we need for a deposit alone is ridiculous! :thumbdwn:

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  • 1 month later...
Phil-E Mentor

Phil-E

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Haha! Yes and you know it!

Completely forgot about this thread.

Yes the news is that we have decided to take the plunge. Havn't set a date yet... will see how we feel.

So when you starting your thread about commitment Andy?! :D

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