Hi Good old Soviet here,

I was just thinking back to some of the stupid things that I have done in my youth, and one that springs to mind is car related.

My first ever car was a LADA which was the fore runner to the RIVA, and was bright orange in colour with a vinyl roof. As it was an import, it had a preheater on the carburetor believe or not. It also had a starting handle which my wife had the pleasure of using to turn her over, more than once. As she was my first car, and I got her as a sort of perk, really cheap, I thought that it was a wonderful machine. It was like a box on wheels, complete with round headlights.

The main problems where, constantly burning oil, and requiring regular top ups each week with 20/50, and also a rattling timing chain, that wore away the tensioning pad, that was pushed in by a spring loaded plunger. If the rattle was not attended to by replacing the tensioner shoe, then the engine wall would start to be bitten in to by the chain. In wet weather the distributer used to get green verdigris on it, and the spark plugs would foul up in damp weather. Both would need cleaning before the car would attempt to start.

I was a student at the college in Swindon, and left the beloved car in the car park, and on my return to it at lunch time I noticed that a low flying seagull had deposited his stomach contents on the rear window. I thought to myself that I will clean this off with one of the common windscreen scrapers of the plastic variety that are widely available these days, but the stuff had set solid like epoxy glue, and it would not move. I then tried wetting it, but it still refused to budge. I then had a flash of inspiration, like a Bart Simpson one, and remembering that I had some sandpaper in the boot that I had bought for a DIY job at home. I tore a piece of sandpaper off and started to clean off the seagull epoxy type gunge, and it worked a treat, but I ended up with a permanent blob of scratches on the rear window.

Soviet has done some pretty dumb things in his life before, but this took some beating.

I was only in my teens at the time though, and had a lot of growing up to do.

What have other Briskodians done to their cars over the years, by accident or sheer carelessness?

Soviet(dig up Brezhnev and resuscitate)

Nearly set fire to my Polo S coupe.

Fitted my first radio, and went on the assumption black neg, brown postitive. LUCKLY came back few hours later just as radio smoking, and also lucky that it was a pull out (face-offs only on expensive head units then).

not really car related but i did once try to light an electric grill with a match.....

i was drunk tho'...

a bloke i new way back had a mark 4 cortina which one day refused to start. it turned over fine but just would'nt catch. tried all the usual tricks, plenty of spark, plenty of fuel but just refused. he suggested we should tow it to his dads house who was quite handy with motors. we get it roped to his girlfriends renault 21 and set off down the local bypass, i try sticking it in fourth and bringing the clutch up gently, still nowt. stick it in neutral turn it over with the key, nowt. turn ignition off continue journey........ we then approach a roundabout.. it was just as we turned onto the roundabout that i realised the steering lock worked. que big panic as the steering locks and i'm now heading out of the roundabout towards oncoming traffic. big stand on brakes, rope snaps, bloke continues, i come to a standstill on a nice grass triangle with the front wheels on the opposite side of the road, shaking. bloke comes back ten minutes later and finds it hilarious, i disagree, strongly.

mark

Hi Gadgetman,

Good to know that I am not the only one that does these sort of things. You weren't very lucky with your Gadget that day.

There is a saying in the British services about making assumptions but I can't think for the life of me what it is now. I am sure that some Briskolians will put me right on it.

Soviet

Hi Gadgetman,

Good to know that I am not the only one that does these sort of things. You weren't very lucky with your Gadget that day.

There is a saying in the British services about making assumptions but I can't think for the life of me what it is now. I am sure that some Briskolians will put me right on it.

Soviet

Dont Assume any thing as it makes an A S S out of U and Me

Now where shall I start....?

Hi Mark,

Must have been terrifying, when the steering locked. I for one hate being towed at the best of times, especially with a rope. I am not too keen either even with the rigid bar type, that the RAC/AA use.

You say that you could not get the electric grill to light with a match. You must have been far gone that day buddy.

I remember having had a few one day, and taking out the neighbors dog, which I did regularly, and the next thing I knew she was knocking at my door, saying where is my dog? after all It was all of three hours later.

I had left the poor thing tied up by its lead to the waste bin, outside the local newsagents. I went zig zaging back there, to find the poor mongrel shaking with fright.

I never got to take the poor mutt out again after that. I wonder why.

Soviet

Dont Assume any thing as it makes an A S S out of U and Me

Hi gadget man,

Ah, you have heard it. 'Thanks buddy', as I have an assumed memory these days.

Getting a bit silver haired now, SOB!

Soviet:thumbup:

Fitting my PD160 Intake to my brand new Fabia vRS. Leaving the old one in the engine bay, after installing the new one.

Closed the bonnet, didn't shut, tried it again, didn't shut.

Only then, was it I realised a great big dent through the bonnet.

Now where shall I start....?

LOL towing maybe?

I have done so many stupid things is beggars belief.

I guess the most stupid thing was getting my finger caught in a Vauxhall Omega cambelt while the engine was running, or maybe running myself over with a Vauxhall Astra.

Fitting my PD160 Intake to my brand new Fabia vRS. Leaving the old one in the engine bay, after installing the new one.

Closed the bonnet, didn't shut, tried it again, didn't shut.

Only then, was it I realised a great big dent through the bonnet.

Hi snoopie,

That takes some doing, you poor thing, you.

Keep banging your head against that infernal machine.

****-ups can be very costly, and even more so infuriating! I have done many, good buddy.

Soviet:rolleyes:

Barrel rolled my 306. Ooops.

probably spraying carb cleaner in my old capri while my brother reved it that stuff is bloody flamable removed my hair on my arms and singed my eye brows

Releasing the hydrogas fluid out of my Metro turbo to try and lower it...of which it did admirably well.

Problem was this stretched and broke both of the driveshafts:(

I bought an old Audi Coupe that had been rusting quetly in a barn fro three years.

The car would have probably driven home, but it was 50 miles and there was no tax or MOT, so we towed it. We got to 100m from our destination, and I let the rope go slack when we stopped to let someone pass. When my dad (who was towing) set off again, the towing loop pulled off and took the bumper and headlight with it. I then promptly ran over the headlight and finished it off! Suffice to say I was not pleased!!

No chance in them refunding it Rob?

Not insured either.

Not insured either.

Hmm, another one :(

Taking the top off the expansion tank - done it before on previous car, no probs.

This one let me have it good style - several days off with one very poorly arm :thumbdwn:

Best I've seen though was a nearby baker - had been in shop, he was always cursing his wife in broadest Welsh accent. I'd left car at mechanics for service, was walking into village.

Next news is a car passes with tow rope behind - pulling a scooter atop of which is aforementioned baker with mod coat and helmet. Rope was attached to just below handlebars.

He was shouting, 'Now, now' - at which his wife put on the gas, rope jerked, he nearly came off, tried to start scooter, rope went tight, he's then shouting 'Stop, stop you silly cow' (in broadest Welsh accent). Off they went yoyoing down the road amidst plenty of cursing.

'Now, now....... Stop, stop !'

Brill stuff - never did see him again ... though to be fair never went to shop again.

rolled my allegro 3 r 4 times... before i'd finished paying it off.. :(

rolled my allegro 3 r 4 times... before i'd finished paying it off.. :(

:rofl:

or should that be

:rofl: :rofl:

going off what you've written :thumbdwn:

hmm, so many moments, regularly electrocute myself when pulling spark plug wires to work out which cylinder isn't doing anything on the Supercharged Rover V8. (you'd think i'd have learnt)

Rolled a 406 god knows how many times across a field and into a ditch.

Fitted a new top hose to my old gtr to stop a leak, thought, hmm i'll just check the bottom hose too, and promptly pierced it with screwdriver!

I remember seeing a video of a car being towed for re-mapping after having

...

I remember seeing a video of a car being towed for re-mapping after having

Yep, They took the ignition out.

I posted it, and someone said, immediately, it was there friend in Scotland.

I've done 101 stupid things in the name of "just trying to fix / adjust XYZ", but (so far) not done anything terminal. Can't help myself - you'd think I'd've learned by now, though! The thing I irritate myself with the most though, is not checking the oil regularly enough on the vRS. Pretty simple thing to remember, but I guess it's got lots more damage potential than a creaky door handle, or whatever. Never left it 'til it's been below the MIN mark, but had a few "near misses". Am currently writing 100 times:

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check my oil more often.

I must remember to check...

assumption is the mother of all **** ups!!

i have done so many stupid things that to me they no longer seem stupid but merely normal

refitted my wheel forgetting to fit the caliper.

fitted new calipers upside down and spent hours trying to bleed them with no luck

went a bit too slow over a jump on my bike and hitting the back of the landing which was basically a solid clay wall. didn't really damage myself but i bent my forks, frame and wheel i think.

removed the lid of the coolant bottle whilst the engine was hot and burnt my arm and face.

lots and lots of actual electric shocks at work, if i don't have a tester handy i simply dab the cables with my fingers i still do that now

probably hundreds more but i can't remember them