I decided that as the Yeti is only 6 months old, I ought to look after it properly and give it a good wash myself rather than take it to the carwash.

 

Anyone remember Mel Smith going in to buy a gramophone on Not The Nine O'Clock News? Well, that's pretty much how I felt when I went to buy car cleaning products...

Shop Asst: Hello, can I help you Sir?

Me: Yes, I'd like to buy a sponge please.

Shop Asst: A WHAT??

Me: Erm......a sponge.

Shop Asst: Right, well, we don't sell sponges here grandad!

Me: Oh, right, well erm, what's that over there then?

Shop Asst: That's a Dirty B'stard High Gloss Detailing Kit unless I'm much mistaken.

Me: Well what's the difference between that and a sponge?

Shop Asst: About 30 years and a wallet full of cash to you chief!

Me: Oh, ok, well, erm, I'll have one of them then.

Shop Asst: You sure?

Shop Asst 2: This should be fun!!

Me: Yes please.

Shop Asst: Right, well as you can see, it's got all the cloths and pads...

Me: What about a sponge?

Shop Asst: You what???

Me: Oh nothing, it's ok.

Shop Asst: No No!! You said "what about a sponge didn't you?"

Me: No honest, I didn't!

 

Shop Asst: Ok, you want snowfoam with it?

Me: Erm, no thankyou.

Shop Asst: Hahaaaaa!! You won't get it all frothy without snowfoam grandad!

Me: YES! YES! I OBVIOUSLY WANT SNOWFOAM!!!

Shop Asst: Ok, you want detailer?

Me: Yes please!

Shop Asst: You want microfibre?

Me: Yes please!

Shop Asst: You want a bag on your head?

Me: Yes please!

Shop Asst: (puts bag on my head) You want clay with it???

Me: (very angry now) NO! I don't want stupid things like clay; I want to get it clean not make it dirty!

Shop Asst: Hahahaha!! You got clay whether you like it or not Grandad, it's in your Dirty B'stard High Gloss Detailing Kit!!!!

Shop Asst: You'll be telling us next you don't want slimline salad dressing!!

Me: YES YES I WANT SLIMLINE SALAD DRESSING!!

 

... and so on and so forth.

 

Anyway, armed with a couple of buckets, a chamois, a squeegie, a "noodle mit", a large collection of microfibre cloths, a pressure washer and assortment of atachments, some snowfoam that supposedly smells like bubblegum, a snowfoam foamer, detailer, clay, polish for dark colours and sealer (isn't sealing what the polish does?) I set off to clean the Yeti.

 

As I was unfamiliar with a couple of the products, I felt it appropriate to "test on an inconspicuous area first".

 

So I decided to quickly clean the missus' car first in case anything went dreadfully wrong and then get on and clean the Yeti when I knew what I was doing.

 

SIX HOURS LATER... the missus has a clean car. SIX HOURS! I started just after 9 this morning and finished just after 3 this afternoon.

 

 

And no dear, that isn't a step that I've had to buy as I can't reach the roof of the Yeti, that's a snowfoam launch platform to ensure optimal foaming angle.

 

I've not starting to clean the Yeti yet.

 

Maybe tomorrow.

 

Or maybe I'll just pop down the carwash

Fabulous. Well done.

Well written...a good laugh and you end up with a lovely looking car.

Thank you.

  Brilliant!

 

I just washed my Fabia with a pressure washer, a bucket or two of hot water with some washing up liquid and a thing that's like a sponge but with dreadlocks. Took me twenty minute or so

  Brilliant!

 

I just washed my Fabia with a pressure washer, a bucket or two of hot water with some washing up liquid and a thing that's like a sponge but with dreadlocks. Took me twenty minute or so

 

Good point, I forgot the "noodle mit". Best add it to the list

Good point, I forgot the "noodle mit". Best add it to the list

I got mine from a horse tack shop for two quid Does the job I suppose

Bin the chamois and squeegee.

Bin the chamois and squeegee.

So what's the drying device of choice these days then?

The squeegee then chamois approach seemed to work...

Woolley mammoth towel

Woolley mammoth towel

Made from genuine extinct fluffy heffalump?

Made from genuine extinct fluffy heffalump?

That's the one!

Oh my God:

You have some reading to do

http://www.polishedbliss.co.uk/acatalog/safe-washing-and-drying.html

 

Indecently, we had a Colt in the same colour

The most dreadful paint I've ever come across. More chips than McCaine's!!

Good luck with it

 

Oh my God:

You have some reading to do

http://www.polishedbliss.co.uk/acatalog/safe-washing-and-drying.html

 

Indecently, we had a Colt in the same colour

The most dreadful paint I've ever come across. More chips than McCaine's!!

Good luck with it

 

There are lots of little chips on the Colt, but with the ripple in the drivers door and the dent in the bonnet (not to mention being seen in the thing with the roof down) they are the least of my worries :-)

 

At least it seems like my foam, pressure wash, foam, pressure wash. shampoo wash with mit, rinse, dry, clay (with lube), pressure wash, shampoo wash with mit, pressure wash, dry, polish, seal, wheels wasn't too far off.

Superb - one of the best write-ups i've read in ages. Good on you matie!

 

Top job! Hope she was chuffed with the results 

Edited 22 February, 201412 yr by travellermatt

Superb - one of the best write-ups i've read in ages. Good on you matie!

 

Top job! Hope she was chuffed with the results 

 

She seems quite pleased.

 

I'll report back on how pleased in the morning.

Looks like you've done a good job gyp, considering you had a bag on your head mate lol

Open ended hose.

 

Dog dryer.

Excellent work, great post.

Tell me, is it the salad dressing giving that miles deep gloss and mirror shine. How is it on trim and glass?

Any links to where I can buy the light and full fat dressings?

An open ended hose to sheet off as much of the water as possible and then pat or wipe dry with large microfibre drying towel (£3-4 from most supermarkets) and jobs a good un.

She seems quite pleased.

I'll report back on how pleased in the morning.

She clearly wasn't as pleased as I hoped she'd be.

Certainly not as pleased as I suspect her sister would be in similar circumstances.

She clearly wasn't as pleased as I hoped she'd be.

Certainly not as pleased as I suspect her sister would be in similar circumstances.

 

Sounds like you need to make a play for her sister then.

 

All joking aside welcome to the world of 21st century car washing which has now been officially recognised as an addiction that in some cases requires treatment on the NHS

Edited 23 February, 201412 yr by Prykey

A proper UKRM style write up, that. Love it.

A proper UKRM style write up, that. Love it.

 

:-)

I got mine from a horse tack shop for two quid Does the job I suppose

I think mine came from poundland, along with the big litre bottle of car shampoo.

So what's the drying device of choice these days then?

The squeegee then chamois approach seemed to work...

 

They do work, however I believe they can potentially cause swirls/light scratches. If you end up pulling some dirt over the car with a squeegee or chamois. Most people use a large fluffy dry towel these days.

 

Something like 

 

http://www.i4detailing.co.uk/shop/i4d-uber-yellow-premium-drying-towels.html

or

http://www.polishedbliss.co.uk/acatalog/pb-luxury-drying-towel-cat5.html

Oh my God:

You have some reading to do

http://www.polishedbliss.co.uk/acatalog/safe-washing-and-drying.html

 

 

Good site that is Chris! Just spent ages reading their articles...