VladSoilerOfCarpets

Check the multiple Civic Type Rs that are breaking on eBay, as it's not a sought-after part there'll be one available.

Cheers folks, just itchy about the starting date now! Apparently there are vacancies 'soon'... hurryhurryhurry!

I'm in. passed the interview & written test with flying colours. I have a job on the proviso that I can complete the physical test & medical test- seeing as I came within a gnat's chuff of completing my fireman's fitness test last year when I was 2 stone heavier and hadn't trained as much, I should be fine. Got to run the bleep test to 5.4 (last time I made it to 9.0 before collapsing into a jellied heap), do some weights and whatnot. Medical, I think, is just to prove I'm not a blind junkie...

I've seen something similar before, some of the phrases that come to mind are "because I have a blue dinghy" or "I still sleep with a teddy bear". Hilarious confusion usually ensued.

I bet you that, at some point this morning, some Russian bloke got a parking ticket and said, "How could this day get any worse..?"

Nah, I'll string it out for 10 years after my ex grasses me up.

That's not quite the reasons I want in, but thanks for the reassurance!! The people who slag it off clearly don't appreciate that, without law & order, society would be a lot worse... but that's just my viewpoint. Thankfully I've lost about 2 stone and gained a fair bit of muscle since my last fitness test (fire department) so I should be a lot better this time round!

First interview went pretty well (I think!), just got to wait to hear back about the fitness test now. Fingers crossed!!

When I was at uni we spent quite a while moving all of the KY Jelly to the part where they keep the Hartley's/Rowntree's jelly. Worth it. Also distributed 12 boxes of condoms randomly in people's trolleys. Much hilarity ensued. People are quite slow sometimes.

Farting in crowded lifts. Farting in crowded shops. Farting on crowded trains. Farting around elderly people and blaming it on them. Farting on one of those plastic airchair things whilst declothed. The noise = immense. Spending time with people who make me realise life is, in fact, pretty damn good. Pressing the loud pedal on my car after a long day at work. Makin' music.

Don't forget he was on 9 points- the final 3 would've been it. HOWEVER... - surely as a part of the Government, he should know better than to end up with 9 points in the first place? - if he's that well off, he could have afforded a driver- hell, I'd've gladly done it for him. He serves my borough. - cheating on your wife who took the points for you- that's just asking for it. - pleading guilty right at the last minute- clever. Not. Now there'll be very little support for him.

Blow Job Man?

I'm going to say this once, speaking from experience: DON'T BE A PUSSY, JUST ASK OR YOU'LL MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY. I've been down that road before- in fact, fairly recently- and I've regretted it deeply. Screw what ifs, just go for it and have your fun. If he threatens to kick your head in, make sure you get evidence in text, and if anything happens he gets a few years for pre-meditated assault.

I don't know. I'm at someone else's house for dinner.

Thanks again guys! Gunna do some more research and see what I can turf up...

I'm bad for naming my cars. They've always had girly names. My 206 was called Kitty, because she was a little lion. My Civic was Suki, as that was the only Japanese girl's name I could think of off the top of my head. Octavia was Octimus Prime. And my BMW is Claudia, because she's a tasty German model- even if she's getting on a bit.

Chris- cheers- other best mate is in the force and we're having a sit-down on Sunday VWD- I'm quite an established member there, should've thought of that!

Yes, that's what appeals. I currently do an odd job- I'm a land surveyor- and I love being outdoors and having different days/scenery every day. Office work tends to bore me, as I'm quite an... energetic person. As I'm sure anyone who's met me will attest to! I'll carry on the application process for both, but the insurance one I can probably realistically come back to at any time as it's besty's mother who runs the company. We'll see I guess! My head's a sieve at the moment, got so much to think about. Any other opinions/input/help greatly appreciated.

Zoidberg- thank you! I'm doing a fair bit of prep tonight and also having 'man day' on Sunday with a mate who's in the force, just to get an idea. The rest of you, thanks for the smiles. It does somewhat throw a spanner in the works though- I was looking at moving to Suffolk with one of my best mates, another solid job offer (as far as I know), cheap place to live, etc. Just trying to weigh up the pros and cons... Both jobs: - pay well (around a 25-30% increase on what I'm on now) - involve relocating and living with a best friend (feel like breaking free a bit as I feel massively stuck in a rut) - are sustainable (police, duh. Insurance for the other one, as a claims handler/Audatex engineer) - are less hours than my current job, for extra money - are ultimately appealing to me, and interesting If I get offered both, I have no idea what to do.

... as a job, not for being a criminal. Anyone taken part/happy to offer tips? Got a couple of weeks to prepare, which I won't waste!

Well, we have a happy coincidence. Although Pisces is a more accurate one for me...

The tights? I know. Sorry Dev.

*If you're easily offended, you won't like this.* The Real Horoscope: ARIES You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a f**k about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding. TAURUS Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of wee. GEMINI Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f**king weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themself to win a bet. CANCER You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous ******* who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered. LEO The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on benefits. VIRGO You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullsh*tting and you're a cheap *******. Virgo men are usually gay and the majority of Virgo women are whores. LIBRA You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete pr*ck out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral. SCORPIO You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes. SAGITTARIUS You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest. CAPRICORN You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred **** and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy. AQUARIUS You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights. PISCES You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a pr*ck.

Cheers Si! Yeah it's like bananas and custard, just right. the noise coupled with the acceleration means a) I'm not doing so hot on fuel and I grin every... single... time... I depress the throttle. Remap booked soon, managed to grab a Christmas offer price- awh yeah!