Dealing with amputation

[R1DAVIE]

Firstly it's not myself thats the amputee, its my dad.

Years of ill health and recently his diabetes going haywire finally came to a head on Saturday morning, doctors performed a below the knee amputation of his right leg.

We've always known that this was a possibility for a good while now so we've already started to get my parents house properly adapted for wheelchair/disabled use for when he comes home. Also we have arranged care packages to help as i work full time and my mum is 10 weeks out of a double heart bypass op so she still gets knackered pretty easily.

Normally if something big like this has happened in the family, im the one everyone turns too as i tend to keep a pretty level head about things but with this, im really struggling.

Everyone else seems to have accepted it no bother and are just getting on with life whereas i just can't get my head around seeing my dad with half a leg. It actually makes me feel physically sick thinking about it and can't even bring myself to visit him in hospital. I made it to the ward and just came out in a cold sweat and started shaking, couldn't go in and just left.

If anyone has had any experience of dealing with a family member who's had a similar procedure or been through it yourself, please let me know how you eventually dealt with it as i know I can't avoid it forever.

Thanks in advance

Davie

[Moist Von Lipwig]

Sorry to hear about what is going on, not been through this myself so difficult if not impossible to appreciate how you are feeling.

I think it is difficult when you are the one everyone turns to, to be able to then find someone to turn to for help but it does seem to me that is what you need, even if it is just someone to talk to about it and explain your feelings and fears. Maybe a friend, relative, counsellor, minister or a random insomniac on a car forum.

I have had quite different issues in the past where I have ended up in quite a state and through the help of others I got past it. Didn't take much more than patience and time from them, so I do understand that talking to the right people helps. They can help you get it off your chest, and put it into perspective. Sometimes it really doesn't need any more than that.

Best of luck and hope your dad is out of hospital soon.

[Ootohere]

I am a right leg above knee amputee.

Lost my leg in a motor bike accident, taken off below the knee by the crash bar, then 2 years later i had it amputated above the knee.

 

I have had many years of working with Amputees in Sport etc.

The whole subject is very involved and there is now some good Support Groups & help Online,

years ago it was less so.

 

Very different by the Amputees Age, and if it is from an Accident, Military Injuries, or Illness.

Hard on Families & loved ones, and on the amputee.

 

I have been diabetic type 2 since i was 40.

& now i meet quite a few Amputees due to Diabetes.

 

It is very different the help you get around the country,

i was lucky, i was in Dundee so the Broughty Ferry Limb Fitting Centre, the best in the UK back in the day.

Professor Murdoch & Doctor Troop,

then my Ski Instructor Dr Norman Piercy,  & help from the likes of Syd Scroggie, (sadly both are now dead but that was old age & full lives)

both lost limbs in the 2nd WW and were amazing people.

Syd was Blinded as well as losing a leg.,  Maybe google him, and even your father might be interested in his story

sometime in the future.

 

I will send you an Email address so that i can offer any help if required.

 

george

Edited 16 December, 2014 by goneoffSKi

[blueR36]

Really sorry to hear of your dad and mums health . Try to focus on the positives . I know it's hard but they are both still here . I lost my dad to a heart attack in his 60s and my mum with internal bleeding and her ulcerated legs left her in a wheelchair and went downhill slowy . Try to see it as they have saved his life and not lost his leg ( my mum was going to be opperated on but died in hospital . With medication and a correct diet he will return to just being your Dad . It's hard when once you turned to them and now they turn to you , sometimes just talking to someone helps . He's still your dad and needs you and you can help each other . Take care Alan

[FUBAR]

Hospitals are a horrible place to visit for just about everyone, let alone the patients. If you can and it is allowed in the hospital, get him on the phone and talk to him as you are on your way in. It will be less chance for you to get anxious and worked up on the way in and if already mid conversation when you meet, less to distract you. If phone is not an option an you tried going in on your own, get a couple of people with you for the same distraction/support.  But I hope both you parents recover as quickly as possible and you dad is able to adapt quickly and he doesn't let it get him too down or anything. 

[kilted]

Before anyone comments, I know this post sounds quite harsh but I think justifiably so.

 

I realise it is hard to do so but I think it is important for you to get past looking at his disability. He is and always will be your dad irrespective of what is or isn't there.

 

He probably needs as much support as he can get at the moment so put your own feelings aside and visit him.

 

Concentrate on what he can do, not on what he can't do. I am sure that GoneoffSki will agree that with proper support and the right physical help, there will be very little he can't do (possibly slower and with more assistance than before though).

[Ootohere]

Agreed.

The worst thing that many hear following an amputation is,

how well other people got on, or are getting on & the likes.  

 

Lots to get done to make life easier, and transportation and mobility can be problematic & need sorting,

 

Trousers, even a single shoe or slipper needs thinking about,

not just the wheel chair or crutches,  carpets and floor coverings at home,

toilet / bathrooms / shower / seat, hand rails,  Living room chair etc etc.

 

So dealing with practicalities and involving your Mum & Dad all the way can get things moving along in the first place.

 

all the best.

[grr666]

I am a right leg above knee amputee.

(Text omitted to save space)

Best post you have ever made George. 

Nice one

 

Davie, take advantage of Georges offer.

He has a lot of useful insight in this area and can probably help you a lot

with both you and your Dads adjustment period. He can probably put you

in touch with outside groups and services too which could maybe help.  

[gadgetman]

Sorry to hear this. Hopefully George is best placed to offer you help and useful contacts you may need.

[R1DAVIE]

Thanks for the wishes folks, much appreciated.

Popped up to the hospital last night not really know what to expect, pretty apprehensive but knew it had to be done.

Was nowhere near as bad an experience as i'd imagined, think i'd just completely over thought it and worried myself sick.

As for my dad, i really don't think its properly sunk in yet. He's still off his face on morphine and can just about hold a conversation but gets tired very easily. Aside from that he's doing pretty well, there's another 2 guy's in his ward that have also just been through operations so they're keeping each others spirits up.

Bad news is that although it was a below the knee amputation, there's still a possibility that they might need to go higher but we won't know for sure for a few weeks. They decided to try below knee first so he could have greater manoeuvrability when he gets fitted for a prosthetic leg.

Currently he's being given strong antibiotics in the hope that rest of infection is killed off, both doctors that i've spoken to have high hopes but trying not to look too much into the future.

Fingers crossed it all works out for the best and he doesn't require any further surgery.

[tweenster]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

 

Did he ever serve in any of the Armed Forces? If so, contact the respective Service Benevolent Fund, SSAFA or the Royal British Legion. These will continue to offer support despite him no longer serving. Even if he did not serve, the military have become very good over the last few years in providing support to amputees and they may be able to point you in the right direction for further support even if they can't actually provide it themselves.

[io1901]

My father-in-law had both legs amputated below the knee due to diabetes ( in successive years) and was soon up and about on artificial legs. He was determined not be pushed about in a wheel chair, he wasn't in the best of physical shapes either  with a weak heart.

 

Apart from the odd bout of phantom pains he managed for well over ten years without using a chair. 

 

I hope your Dad is up about shortly and that the infection has been stopped. I know my father-in-law thought that the anitbiotics made him feel quite ill.  

[VWD]

Can't help with the situation up north ,as it might have changed .I live down south, and have mobility problems - hip arthritis, meaning I have problems sitting/getting up/climbing stairs etc. I've recently found out about local County Occupational Therapy team. Suggest you might have a chat with them on help they can give. From your parent's situation, I'd suggest you look at allowances from DWP .(bUT IT CAN BE AN UPHILL STRUGGLE, as they are looking at ways to prevent a claim ,rather than help) .They're only ( IMHO) interested in helping those under 65 .Those over that age should be put out to pasture .But I remember trying to get things for dad up north and there's a few more helping agencies under the SNP, than down here.    

[fabdavrav]

I try to look at things in a logical way because sometimes it's too emotional otherwise. My mum was in for second hip op & skin cancer this year! & I'm the only one she has left!

 

She's well & moving, in less pain & is happier.........................but balance is buggered & nose is a bit weird due to cancer op................... 

 

Main point tho is that she is alive, & in LESS pain.................

 

With your dad, what would be the outcome if he did not have the op????..

Edited 21 December, 2014 by fabdavrav

[Robjon]

Any update, Davie?

 

Best wishes to you, Dad and family.

[R1DAVIE]

Quick update, not been on in a while.

My dad seem's to have accepted the situation and is really making a go at physio without too much complaining, even asked for a parrot and an eye patch for xmas lol.

Seeing him so positive has helped me a lot, suppose i was worried about how it would affect him both physically and mentally. He's been talking to therapist at hospital and all reports seem to be he's doing great, was emotional at xmas for obvious reasons but apart from that its all looking good.

Infection has also cleared up so no need to have further op, just need to stabilise his diabetes and convince the OT that he's doing well and he'll be allowed home. Realistically it won't be mid-late February before he's home but that's plenty time to get house converted for wheelchair access.

Thanks again for the well wishes folks

[Moist Von Lipwig]

Glad to hear that it is going as well as it can be. Hopefully he will be stabilised and out of hospital soon.

All the best for 2015.

[kilted]

Good to hear he appears to have come to terms with it fairly quickly as opposed to getting depressed.

 

Have they confirmed the need for a wheelchair? Might be mobile enough without one esp if they look at prosthetics.

[rainbow-walker]

Celebrate every minute you have your parents around.

 

Lost both of mine in 2013, and sitting here wishing my Dad a happy birthday, as he would have been 73 today.

 

RBW.