Serious question - don't read if you are going to laugh!

[pete8tch]

no , discretion , thats whats needed here , much much more , someones ablutions should remain private.

[vRS Carl]

Impossible thats why we have Public Loo's so we can Share Smells & Sounds

Carl:thumbup:

[daveclayton]

this whole thread has me in stitches!! that must have hurt mater hahaha

[pete8tch]

this whole thread has me in stitches!! that must have hurt mater hahaha

dont encourage him dave , we dont want more , or hanky contents or something.:eek:

[daveclayton]

has this poo thread 'dried up' so to speak?

[fluffmeister]

I'm coming in late on this one, personally I would do the following.

Curl out a huge log, make sure there are plenty of grunting sounds, a couple of good flush's and then hop out onto their lawn with my pants down and do a good long "Bum Drag" on the grass to get the clinkers off.

Simples!!

[fluffmeister]

Impossible thats why we have Public Loo's so we can Share Smells & Sounds

Carl:thumbup:

You should check out docked - Rate My Poo if it's still up, my mate Mick once submitted one called "Bosnian Log" iirc, got pretty good ratings to.

PS, Link no clicky clicky if offended, deffo not work safe

NOTE TO SELF .... Read entire thread first .... good on ya Carl

Edited 27 August, 2009 by Fluffmeister

[nokiauk]

has this poo thread 'dried up' so to speak?

its just constipated, nothing coming out

[Wardy]

[expostmanpat]

It was that big i was very impressed so photographed it

EDIT: to save you searching here it is Mater's Dump :D:D:D

Carl:thumbup:

Would you like this thread linking to the 'savaloy thread' now or later

[Tailhappy]

I see public toilets are being touched on here. A sore point with me indeed!

Why do they shut on Sundays? Last sunday I was bursting and headed for the loos only to find them padlocked and with a sign saying "open Monday to Saturday". By the state of the alley behind the bogs, it seemed that others had been caught out too.

Why are the floors by the urinals always sopping wet? One hopes that it is wet with disinfectant, but the smell rising up tells otherwise. Really, it is not so hard to aim is it?

Cubicles. Well what I have seen would make your nose bend. One time in Leighton Buzzard loos, I saw that not only was the toilet full to overflowing with unmentionables, but someone had tried to flush their jeans and pants away! The smell was unbearable and when a market trader rushed in with what looked like an upset tum, he took one look at the bog, the jeans and the water to the brim and let out a moan and ran out. I hope he made it somewhere else in time...

Toilet seats. Why make them out of stainless steel and fit them with a horrible fixed plastic 'seat'? These always seem to be grimy and I would never dream of parking my posterior on one of these.

The cubicles never meet the floor - and why do people head to the one next to me when there are plenty free further along. No, I don't want to see your belt and trouser top come underneath thank you.

Who steals the bolts? Why? It is not always possible to hold the door shut and sit down...

Groaning. I do wish people would not groan in adjacent cubicles while I am using the facilities. It is very offputting and not very savoury to hear.

Cleaners. I know that we now have lady cleaners for gents toilets, but please WAIT until I have come out. Banging on the door will not speed things up.

TH

[vRS Carl]

They shut on Sunday's to give the Loo a rest. How would you like to be Shat on 7 days a week. That only happens to the Army

I always groan just to take the pi$$

The cleaners are not banging on the door to hurry you up. They are offering a Wipe Service. Some even offer extras

Carl:thumbup:

[philc]

As someone said at a place I worked once, "I don't mind 'em dropping the kids off at the pool. It's leaving the pictures for us all to look at that I don't like"

As far as the House Of Lords goes, it's got an incredible and very scary pressurized sewage system, as the cellars are below the mains sewer. I've seen it, believe me!

Phil

[BigW]

The cleaners are not banging on the door to hurry you up. They are offering a Wipe Service. Some even offer extras

Carl:thumbup:

A poo with a happy ending, thats the things dreams are made of!! :P

[seboni121]

so easy this one as you are about to splash down flush its a classic wave action

[pdhealy]

If you do a search on ratemypoo.com for the mother of all poos then you will see one that i did in the natural history museum in New York :P

It was that big i was very impressed so photographed it

EDIT: to save you searching here it is Mater's Dump :D:D:D

Carl:thumbup:

Pah! 'Tis but a sausage!

[Nick P]

Worst number 2 experience I've had when out and about was in a pub toilet in Leeds late on a Friday or Saturday night. I absolutely had to go, because I had one of those overdue ones that was really affecting my mood.

So, there were two cubicles, one of which was just decimated leaving one, which wasn't great in itself.

No paper, so had to sit on the horrible seat without protection and know that I wasn't going to have the luxury of wiping :( . Next problem was the lock on the door was missing. So I'm sat there straining away in a very odd position with my leg totally outstretched, foot against the door, to stop the drunkards who kept trying to barge in every few seconds. Then, just as I'm getting somewhere, I have to lunge forward with my foot again to stop someone coming in and the seat breaks completely off. Because of my strange leg out pose, I can't stop myself first half falling in the filthy bog and then on the filthy floor. :(

[Nick P]

Worst number 2 experience at home was with a bout of food poisoning from a dodgy take-away. I was having about my 20th trip to the loo that day. Just as the flood gates are opening, a hornet (yes a proper one, not a wasp) flies in through the open window (necessity) and gets right up in my face. I lept up with lightening fast reflex reaction, forgetting what I was doing, and headed for the door. Alas, my pants were around my ankles, which sent me flying, landing flat out on my face on the landing floor, pants ripped in two.

[Tailhappy]

Both of those sound nightmare situations - pub bogs are dodgy at the best of times!

Well, just this morning I had to go and spend 2p in the cafe toilets. I think the cup of hot tea set me going and I tried to wait until the cafe was quiet. However the moment I sat down the toilet handle started going and I could tell by the shadow of feet under the door that I had a 'waiter' ready to dive in as soon as I came out. Well I finished and exited but I had been indulging on some heady ales the night before so it was a bit high in there. The 'waiter' turned out to be the cafe owner and I scurried past with my head down but she did see me. Well, the look she gave me when we left the cafe told me that I had been rumbled and that she did not approve at all so I had better leave it a few weeks before I go back to that cafe...

I know that I was rumbled at the garden centre last week - but that toilet did not flush properly so I just had to leave it there for the next patron who happened to be an employee.

I am off to the Harlequin Centre, Watford, later so you have been warned.

[Nick P]

:rofl:, just take a dump at home before you go out to these places! Have you got a proper medical bowel condition? I've never known owt like it.

[Jim H]

At least the OPs story is not as bad as this one. It is apparently a true story.

Sure Lock: A Video Poop Story - PoopReport.com

I don't know why I was looking at that site when I found it.

[R1chard]

I couldnt help but LOL straight away at this topic :rofl: :rofl:

[PumpeDuse]

I'd just leave it, and recommend they call dynorod