How do you possibly prepare for losing a parent?

[cjb]

If anyone can offer any useful words of advice they would be very gratefully received

Nothing beyond 'it gets better with time'.

Have lost my father and father-in-law to cancer. F-i-l was quick- weeks- this was nearly 20 years ago, we were just married, the wife was 20, I was 21, my dad went on for over a year but was in a bad way- this was around 15 years ago. You never forget, but the pain fades. When friends and colleagues have lost someone, I never know what to say, because words don't help: you know they don't because you've been there.

As others have said, make the most of the time you have left, and do what feels right to you.

[Brimma]

This is THE hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life, and I know I'm not the only person in the world who's ever had to go through it, hence the request for advice

All of your comments and personal messages really have been greatly appreciated, and are helping in some way to face up to this

[Nightshade]

I don't know you or your family, and I can't really appreciate the position that you are in, however, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Luke.

[OllieH]

My thoughts are with you pal, only met you once and immediately could tell you were a top bloke. Its times like these that really test you, do not be afraid of your emotions.

[mdk1]

Our thoughts are with you Brim,

As other's have said, make the most of the time that is left.

Is there anything you Mum has wanted to do and never got round to it? might be worth getting the family to all chip in and have one special day for you all to remember.

[FellyMagic]

That is an absolutely stonking idea mate, but she is very weak from what I have heard.

[Hedge]

Sorry to hear your tale of woe Bry.

It's now over 17years since I lost my Dad but I still think about him and how he would respond to some of the things I now get up to.

As people have said it gets better with time. Just make the most of what time you have left and then deal with it as best you can.

Nothing more I can say really. If I can help then get in touch. :yes:

[Vix]

Bry, I am soooo very sorry to hear this. My advice for you is to do what feels right to you and your Mum, don't be afraid to cry, scream, shout, rant, question the reasoning or whatever else either of you wants to do. I am here if you need me, I don't even mind if you want to shout at me over the phone.

[DaveHarries]

Brimma, very sorry to hear this. I don't know you or your family but you are in my thoughts. I don't think I can really add much to what has already been said but think that the idea put in by mdk1 is very good. Make every moment count.

Dave

[Wardy]

Sorry to hear of your news Bryan. Will be thinking of you.

You were missed at the meet earlier

Steve

[Octoplus]

Bryan I am sorry to read this, you have already taken a huge step just by posting here, many people would not have been able to do that.

As has already been said we are all different and handle news like this in different ways,your other family members may well all react differently or in odd ways and that can add to your sorrow as things said and done can seem very odd at this time.

All major hospitals have specialist cancer nursing teams that are there for the family as well as the patient and as already suggested call the Macmillan Charity >> http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx << they are truly superb and can help your mother and support all your family through this difficult time, they have the experience and practical solutions to help you all through this and beyond when thinking straight is not always possible.

I can only add that your love and support will help your mother greatly , all you can do is be there for her,talk to her and let her know she is loved by you and your family.

Edited 9 May, 2011 by Octoplus

[vRSLen]

Sorry to read this mate :(

I know what it is like to live with cancer as thewife had it twice....

If you want to give me a ring, drop me a PM for my number.

[Terry G]

Bryan

You know I'm a straight talking man and to put it bluntly, you can't prepare.

It's 13 years this year for me and I still haven't dealt with it all really.

If I can give you one single piece of advice, from a friend to a friend: do your own thing. Do what feels right for you. Grief is an immensely personal thing and what you feel and how you deal with things will be different to the rest of your family, and your siblings. So deal with things as you see fit as other people's methods might not work.

Lastly, you've got my number if you want to talk or meet up. I'll always make time.

Good advice there.

I lost my father 8 years ago (and if I'm honest, still struggle now), my mother was diagnosed shortly after my dad passed away with parkinsons. She never came to terms with losing my dad and gave up just before Christmas.

Even though it was a release for my mum (in so many ways), it still hit me.

However you feel, react, express yourself.. it isn't wrong. We are all different. Don't feel you should handle this a particular way.

My very best wishes go to you.

[vRS_Pagey]

Bryan,

Although we've never met (something that I would like to arrange) I feel like I know you, from our many chats on facebook and digs at each other - mainly regarding your poor taste in football team choice - to our slightly naughty double teaming of certain members I thought I would provide you with a few words.

Whilst living at home I never had a good relationship with my Dad, in fact I suffered more than a few beatings at his hands whilst growing up, however when he was down the pub he could do nothing but praise his son....Lee this, Lee that, Lee's done this, well you get the picture. Then all that changed when at the ripe old age of 24 I decided to fly the nest. From that point onward we were literally best mates.

Toward the end of 1998 whilst at work I got a phone call from him, it basically went 'hello son, its ya dad, don't worry yourself but I've got cancer!' Now after the initial shock we talked about it in more detail and it turns out it was a small area of skin cancer on his temple. This was probably caused by the number of years he spent outside working for various construction companies. Anyway, the following January he had surgery where they removed a table spoon sized lump from the area affected, fast forward to 2004........

After 5 years of regular check ups my dad was due to go in for his final visit to get the ultimate all clear, unfortunately fate had other ideas, a couple of days before this appointment he found a lump under his arm, biopsies were taken and the bad news was delivered - cancer! he then had an MRI which painted the entire picture he was pretty much riddled and it was terminal. From the moment he was told things went down hill for him, he went from a real man's man who used to scare the crap out of me to this frail old man I hardly recognised, it was truely heart breaking.

Then the shocker, the very day I was due to go away on hoilday he clapsed, an ambulance was called and he was taken to a local hospice, when my mum and I arrived the doctor in charge mentioned 2-3 days, we immediately thought thats good, 2 or 3 days and he will be out, what the doc actually meant was thats how long he had left. Obviously I cancelled my holiday but I sent my wife, Kerry with our 3 month old son Taylor away as I felt she needed the break. 18 days later the stubborn old git was still kicking, the day my family returned from holiday we visited dad and he had a lovely cuddle with his first grandson......and thats what he was waiting for, we lost him the following morning.

And so 7 years on, and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about 'Roy the Boy' in fact a few months after his death I was struggling to fit a new ceiling, with out even thinking I phoned my mum and asked to speak to dad to get his help. The truth is mate, you can never prepare for something like that, and I'm not going to lie to you, losing a parent is hard, really hard, you will never forget them but time is a great healer, I visit him often and we decorate his grave at Christmas and litter it with football carp during World Cups etc, he will always be with me no matter what.

I have so many regrets, he wasn't there to see me marry, or see his second grandson but my biggest regret is not making the most of the time we had, and this is something you must do,.

I know this has been mentioned already, but if you ever want to talk, have a rant or get something off your chest don't hesitate to get in touch either through here or FB.

Lee.

[richie]

Had my Mum been alive, it would have been her birthday today.

Not sure what else to say that hasn't all ready been said by other folks on here, appart form you have friends here all ofus are willing to help in any way we can.

Take care mate.