Found a friends boyfriend on a dating site - what do?

[taff170]

Maybe he is feeling a bit guilty.. Ready to hang up the johnnies and settle down since they are moving in together?!

Doubt it though.. boys will be boys and all that.

I wouldn't get involved personally.. cause way too much ****.

Agree, best to keep your nose out.

You'll end up getting blamed for causing hassle and they'll stay together.

[B33fy]

Agree, best to keep your nose out.

You'll end up getting blamed for causing hassle and they'll stay together.

Fair comment Taff, though you describe one of many potential outcomes. I personally would find it difficult to stand by especially when there's a child involved, its a I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't scenario. Perhaps a third option to fire a shot across the blokes bows and tell him as a friend of the girl, that this is unacceptable, this might have the desired effect. The OP needs to weigh it up for himself at the end of the day and do what he thinks is the right thing.

[gadgetman]

Its the certain outcome. The friendship will be over. Seems he accepts that this is the end and wants to do the right thing.

[Jane_i10]

Its the certain outcome. The friendship will be over. Seems he accepts that this is the end and wants to do the right thing.

Not strictly true, iv had a friend open my eyes to ex boyfriends behavior and iv always been grateful for saving me time and hardship.

[Miss George]

Could say so much lol

All the replies are right and wrong in their own way. All I will say is I've been her....my mates knew for YEARS!! and didn't say anything. I wasted years on the ****** and it could have been prevented if they had told me.

Be honest if your true friends she will forgive you personally I don't think she anything to forgive, she should be grateful she has a friend like you.

[cysne]

Could say so much lol

All the replies are right and wrong in their own way. All I will say is I've been her....my mates knew for YEARS!! and didn't say anything. I wasted years on the ****** and it could have been prevented if they had told me.

Be honest if your true friends she will forgive you personally I don't think she anything to forgive, she should be grateful she has a friend like you.

It's nice to know someone in that situation would want to be told, especially now you have the benefit of hindsight. Defiantly gonna tell her, as mentioned,sending the email tonight. If I don't see something happen, I guess I'll see were I am then.

[Jane_i10]

It's nice to know someone in that situation would want to be told, especially now you have the benefit of hindsight. Defiantly gonna tell her, as mentioned,sending the email tonight. If I don't see something happen, I guess I'll see were I am then.

Keep us updated!

[seboni121]

SH!7 & FAN springs to mind here, be prepared to get covered in brown smelly stuff

[cysne]

Keep us updated!

Will do!

SH!7 & FAN springs to mind here, be prepared to get covered in brown smelly stuff

Worst that can happen in my opinion is I'm happy that i've done all I can to help her. We'll see what happens.

[B33fy]

All the best with it Cysne, I'm sure it'll work out fine.

[Buster]

Good luck!

[Jigger72]

Has anyone mentioned the kid in this?

If not for the girl's sake, do it for the child. The child needs a proper 'dad' and if the current incumbent is a dirty **** dipping dog then he's no good, and probably won't be anything else. The mum and child deserve better.

I would normally err on the side of caution but the guy obviously has no sense of decency or commitment so needs to go. It's just a shame that's it's you who has to tell her. Go easy and be as straight and honest as you can.

Is it worth talking to the dog himself? Is he a nutter, or just an idiot?

Either way, good luck and keep us posted

[cysne]

Has anyone mentioned the kid in this?

If not for the girl's sake, do it for the child. The child needs a proper 'dad' and if the current incumbent is a dirty **** dipping dog then he's no good, and probably won't be anything else. The mum and child deserve better.

I would normally err on the side of caution but the guy obviously has no sense of decency or commitment so needs to go. It's just a shame that's it's you who has to tell her. Go easy and be as straight and honest as you can.

Is it worth talking to the dog himself? Is he a nutter, or just an idiot?

Either way, good luck and keep us posted

Yup - childs a big concern. He's just a ****. He worked christmas day out of choice. :no:

This is doing my head in now, I got everything ready - tried to send her a email and got the following;

Delivery Status Notification (Failure)â€

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification.

Mailer Daemon error.

Delivery to the following recipients failed.

Hmm, she's also closed her facebook down. Now this is very weird and I have no ******* idea were to go now. She hasn't text me since Thursday either, we were talking about doing something together.

All very weird. Now i don't know what the hell to do.

[Beryl's Chief Pilot]

I always believe that things happen for a reason. I always thought telling her by email seemed a little sneaky or less than genuine or something. Not that I'm saying you are of course, I'm just worried that it could be percieved that way.

So.......... if you can't contact her my email. Take it as a sign & tell her in person!

[Cheryl_88]

Here's my honest opinion.

As a recently divorced 23 year old, I speak from experience in this sort of situation.

My partner of 7 years had cheated, lied, planned to leave me for a girl we both worked with behind my back, slept around and took girls out with our male friends, even towards the end of our marriage when I was pregnant.

He hid it all extremely professionally well, and I wouldn't have even known if it wasn't for my male best friend who told me at a point in my marriage where I was planning to leave but felt sorry for my partner, and after being accused of "something suspicious" between my friend and I.

My friend kicked off and said that I should not keep blaming myself for all of our problems and pointing the finger at myself, as he is no angel.

From this I went on to ask, and ask and ask what he meant by it, but he felt that he had already said too much.

Not long after this, I asked if I could try and guess it out of him... eventually I found that he had cheated many times, when all the lads go out he says he sees himself as single and can do whatever the f*ck he likes, "she'll never find out"

And that he was with a girl from our previous workplace and all of my "friends" from there knew too. I was the only fool who didn’t know.

I questioned him about “cheating in general†without telling him what I knew or who told me, as from what I was told loads of people knew about it. He denied everything and screamed at me saying I was sick and obsessive to even ask such a thing, and that if anyone was to "stray" it would be me.

I found the information I needed, the girl from work, her address, her number, what dorm she was in a Uni, her class times and where her parents live.

I called her, calmly reminded her of who I was, long time no see, and exactly what I wanted to know from her with no **** unless she wanted to pay for her actions with her teeth and limbs

She spilled like an out of date forgotten about old tin of beans. I kept my word and said that no harm will come to her, as both of them were not worth my time, and that karma is a b!tch. Really, I was sick with shock.

I questioned him again, still, denial and more lie's.

I found out more and more as time went on, and mentally I began to become a little stronger and pulled together, knowing what I needed to do. I had tried to leave him several times but he always found me and demanded I come home, threatening his life and giving me guilt trips, when all along he was going behind my back.

I eventually went to bed one night, we said goodnight, and he was trying he damn hardest to be happily families... I knew that in the morning when he went to work, I would leave that house for the last time. It broke me into pieces. That was the last night I spent in our marital home with him.

I left a letter explaining what I knew, my feelings for so long, and that I had given him the chance to confess all. And he chose not to.

I moved in with my mother, lost the baby, went through a very rough break down and I am now with my best friend who told me of his actions, and I do wish he would have told me sooner to have prevented a lot of hurt and pregnancy.

He felt it wasn’t his place to say anything and that it killed him not to tell me for so long, but when my ex-partner was horrible and made me feel like I was the bad one in our relationship, he hated to stand by and see me so unhappy, thinking that I was the one to blame for everything. He just wanted to see me happy.

Sorry for the rant, it really doesn’t explain just how much went on and what I had to go through, but please please take my advice;

Before it gets into a messed up situation like mine, tell the girl.

All you have to say is “I think there is something you should see. I’m showing you this because I don’t want to see you hurt†and show her.

That is all. Then be there for her if and when she needs you as a friend.

Rather that than her find out, and then to find out that her best friend knew and could have saved her from possible hurt?

Me and my best friend got together but we had very strong feelings there for a long time but didn’t act on them for years, neither of us even knew how the other felt.

Let us know how you get on.

Cheryl

Edited 9 January, 2012 by Shark_^_Cheryl

[BossFox]

As Cheryl said, too often people look the other way and don't want to get involved. Even though they know both people.

Sometimes you just have to stand up and be counted, tell the girl/lady.

Or forget it, stop thinking about it and get on with your life. Join the ranks of those that would rather look the other way or keep thinking about it for eternity.

[cysne]

I always believe that things happen for a reason. I always thought telling her by email seemed a little sneaky or less than genuine or something. Not that I'm saying you are of course, I'm just worried that it could be percieved that way.

So.......... if you can't contact her my email. Take it as a sign & tell her in person!

Maybe so, thanks.

Here's my honest opinion.

As a recently divorced 23 year old, I speak from experience in this sort of situation.

My partner of 7 years had cheated, lied, planned to leave me for a girl we both worked with behind my back, slept around and took girls out with our male friends, even towards the end of our marriage when I was pregnant.

He hid it all extremely professionally well, and I wouldn't have even known if it wasn't for my male best friend who told me at a point in my marriage where I was planning to leave but felt sorry for my partner, and after being accused of "something suspicious" between my friend and I.

My friend kicked off and said that I should not keep blaming myself for all of our problems and pointing the finger at myself, as he is no angel.

From this I went on to ask, and ask and ask what he meant by it, but he felt that he had already said too much.

Not long after this, I asked if I could try and guess it out of him... eventually I found that he had cheated many times, when all the lads go out he says he sees himself as single and can do whatever the f*ck he likes, "she'll never find out"

And that he was with a girl from our previous workplace and all of my "friends" from there knew too. I was the only fool who didn’t know.

I questioned him about “cheating in general†without telling him what I knew or who told me, as from what I was told loads of people knew about it. He denied everything and screamed at me saying I was sick and obsessive to even ask such a thing, and that if anyone was to "stray" it would be me.

I found the information I needed, the girl from work, her address, her number, what dorm she was in a Uni, her class times and where her parents live.

I called her, calmly reminded her of who I was, long time no see, and exactly what I wanted to know from her with no **** unless she wanted to pay for her actions with her teeth and limbs

She spilled like an out of date forgotten about old tin of beans. I kept my word and said that no harm will come to her, as both of them were not worth my time, and that karma is a b!tch. Really, I was sick with shock.

I questioned him again, still, denial and more lie's.

I found out more and more as time went on, and mentally I began to become a little stronger and pulled together, knowing what I needed to do. I had tried to leave him several times but he always found me and demanded I come home, threatening his life and giving me guilt trips, when all along he was going behind my back.

I eventually went to bed one night, we said goodnight, and he was trying he damn hardest to be happily families... I knew that in the morning when he went to work, I would leave that house for the last time. It broke me into pieces. That was the last night I spent in our marital home with him.

I left a letter explaining what I knew, my feelings for so long, and that I had given him the chance to confess all. And he chose not to.

I moved in with my mother, lost the baby, went through a very rough break down and I am now with my best friend who told me of his actions, and I do wish he would have told me sooner to have prevented a lot of hurt and pregnancy.

He felt it wasn’t his place to say anything and that it killed him not to tell me for so long, but when my ex-partner was horrible and made me feel like I was the bad one in our relationship, he hated to stand by and see me so unhappy, thinking that I was the one to blame for everything. He just wanted to see me happy.

Sorry for the rant, it really doesn’t explain just how much went on and what I had to go through, but please please take my advice;

Before it gets into a messed up situation like mine, tell the girl.

All you have to say is “I think there is something you should see. I’m showing you this because I don’t want to see you hurt†and show her.

That is all. Then be there for her if and when she needs you as a friend.

Rather that than her find out, and then to find out that her best friend knew and could have saved her from possible hurt?

Me and my best friend got together but we had very strong feelings there for a long time but didn’t act on them for years, neither of us even knew how the other felt.

Let us know how you get on.

Cheryl

Wow, thanks for your input and sorry you had such a raw deal for all that period. Must have sucked! Really really sucked, congrats on now been happy. I am going to tell her and be there for her.

Now, however, I'm having problems, her email's not working (either deactivated / deleted) as mentioned facebook deactivated, and she hasn't replied to my texts since friday. So I was going to go down the more direct route, on my dinner at work, I tried ringing her mobile phone. It wouldn't ring, it wasn't an answering machine, it gave me a message that i've never heard before.

''The person you are calling cannot be reached at the moment, if you would like to send this person a short message, you can leave your number now, please either press star, or enter another number then press star.''

So now, I am completely lost and don't know what to do now.

Any more advise of were to turn next will be apperciated. Blahhh, I could contact her brother/best friend I guess?

[cysne]

As Cheryl said, too often people look the other way and don't want to get involved. Even though they know both people.

Sometimes you just have to stand up and be counted, tell the girl/lady.

Or forget it, stop thinking about it and get on with your life. Join the ranks of those that would rather look the other way or keep thinking about it for eternity.

I agree with you, I'm glad I'm one off them to take action, and I'm really trying, I don't mind if I get **** kicked at me, as long as I tried to help someone out and did my best.

But she's making it incredibly hard to get hold off, I have no idea what to do now.

Blahhh...

[Fabia_19]

All the best- your doing the right thing to tell her and I'm sure it'll prove in time to be the right decision.

Cheryl- sorry to read of your experience :( nice to read that your now happy. Fate or what!

[Cheryl_88]

All the best- your doing the right thing to tell her and I'm sure it'll prove in time to be the right decision.

Cheryl- sorry to read of your experience :( nice to read that your now happy. Fate or what!

Thank you it means a lot :yes: took me a long time to find myself again but I did it I'm a great believer in fate

[andyspan]

Thank you it means a lot :yes: took me a long time to find myself again but I did it I'm a great believer in fate

Blimey Cheryl you've really been through the mill :( Every best wish for the happy future you surely deserve :yes:

[TeflonTom]

She's probably been stalking you on here tbh, she probably knows the truth now, and she's cut herself off from everybody and that's why you can't contact her.

[cysne]

She's probably been stalking you on here tbh, she probably knows the truth now, and she's cut herself off from everybody and that's why you can't contact her.

Hahaha, thanks for that. So lost atm! My real life mate things I should contact her brother. IDK, too weird?

[Beryl's Chief Pilot]

She's probably been stalking you on here tbh, she probably knows the truth now, and she's cut herself off from everybody and that's why you can't contact her.

LOl! Why would she?!

That's a standard message from some Service Providers actually, so don't worry too much!

Maybe finding the best friend & the both of you telling her face to face might've been the best route all along?

[cheezemonkhai]

You know, anyone would think you were a little bit too interested in the situation...