Well, I got dragged out tonight at 7.15pm to go shopping then trip to my parents. We'll take mine I said. No she said mines already out- ****! So we go to Matalan as daughter wanted a cheap blouse for her part time job whils she's home from Uni. On the way she went the long way round, ignoring any speed bumps on the way hay..apparently she wants to avoid 1 set of traffic lights. She parked in a space ... sort of nearly which was great till we couldn't get back it on the passenger side because someone parked perfectly in the next bay afterwards.. and it was raining.

So we set off again. 300m later I asked her if she was going to put the lights on - dark night... raining... black car. Help me. She was undecided which route to take at a large roundabout on the ringroad, which was obvious on the approach to it as she used both lanes. which way do I go to Stourport she asked. Down the stourport road was my reply. this one she asked. no I said that's the worcester road so goes to worcester (she's been round this f'in round about at least 100s if not 1000s of times as it's only 1 1/2 miles from where we live). we then proceed at random speeds between 20 and 40mph that vary for no apparent reason in a 30 limit - in fact the more hazards there were the faster she seemed to go and vice versa, though it could have been related to her trying to spot christmas lights. Traffic lights are on red as we approach for about 300m at a constant speed of 40 in a 40 limit as if they're not there, we brake hard at the last minute, come to a compete stop 5 m before the line just as they change. In wrong gear, then in to 1st then off we go again. by this time it stopped raining, in fact it hasn't been raining for over 1 mile now and the wipers are still on. Things are not going well. I ask why the wipers are still on. she claims it's still raining but after switching them off doesn't switch them back on again for the rest of the journey. We get to Stourport. Amazing. we come to another set of traffic lights straight on is green, traffic in the right hand filter lane is stationary at the red filter light. She stops.... but we're going straight on. in a black car at night. wait for rear ender. fortunatley we get away with it. I ask why she's stopped when the lights were on green. she muttered something about the cars that were turning right that made no sense....and shes sober.

we the enter a 1 way system. she gets in the correct lane (right) and goes past a line of merging traffic entering from the left with her right indicator going then wonders why she's got someone along side her on the left, when she wants to get in the left hand lane. someone elses fault apparently. we eventually get in the left lane and she then stays in the left lane as we enter the next junction where traffic merges from the right. this time she wants the right hand lane. you'll know what happens next... mirror of the previous. we drive down the last part of the 1 way system in the left lane (this time correct OMG) but with her left indicator going all the way, for 300m. at the end is a roundabout, we're going left. there's nothing coming towards us from 12 oclock, 3 oclock is a 1 way street you can only go up. she stops completely at the give way line and looks the wrong way up the 1 way street expecting something to come towards us. we eventually turn left and carry on, entering a housing estate 1 mile later. she goes round a right hand bend straddling the white line unable to see what's coming the opposite way in an effort to get past a parked car on the left that's parked at the exit of the bend. shortly after she drives the wrong side round a mini roundabout. we then enter another speed bump alley wher she again attempts to break the front coil springs and eventually we reach our destination, parking on a drive outside my parents blocking the next door neighbour in. My 20 year old daughter asks if I'm driving home.... Wife keeps the keys, more of the same on the way home. Am I just unlucky...

No, my wife drives well.

It's her parking that needs some work.

Exactly why I cannot be a passenger with many people. I cannot keep my gob shut without blowing my top about silly mistakes.

I'm constantly sitting on pins while out with the missus!

I know a man who knows a good consultant cardiologist if it helps

I know a man who knows a good consultant cardiologist if it helps

Me too is it the same man though??

I won't be a passenger in anyone's car. Period.

@OP ... It's normal. My wife is bloody awful behind a wheel! My mother is even worse!

And it's about time they increased their insurance premiums as it have them a false sense that they could actually drive as was always the comeback when I said she can't drive...

"Well my insurance is cheaper so we must be better drivers!" (Nah!!)

They are a better risk (not driver) because they may do daft things, but it doesn't involve speed as often.

So they have less serious crashes than young guys.

My wife has only been driving for three years, going about 4,000 miles, and she is way, way better than that!

That would drive me nuts.

Actually, thinking about it she is a pretty good driver. But she is not over confident which helps.

Littleade, if I was you, I would be spending £125 on her Xmas present.

I'd be buying her one of these...

http://www.iam.org.uk/drivers/motorists-courses/advanced-driving/motorists-skill-for-life.

By the way, Happy Xmas. I hope you make it in one piece.

My misses isn't that bad - but she does get road rage which is a little worrying. Also the state of disrepair her car is normally kept in... Windscreen wipers that don't work, no washer fluid, bulbs out etc etc! Mental...

I always try to drive...

My misses isn't that bad - but she does get road rage which is a little worrying. Also the state of disrepair her car is normally kept in... Windscreen wipers that don't work, no washer fluid, bulbs out etc etc! Mental...

I always try to drive...

And you let her drive it like that?

And you let her drive it like that?

I change them when I'm allowed to. It's all okay at the minute, as I did it when looking at an ignition issue without consent, but I normally get confronted with the "It's fine, I'll wait until my Dad has a look at it" argument. Her and her Dad share the same view of spending zero money until the MOT man says it's a fail! The idea of replacing something because it squeaks/rattles is totally mind boggling!

My wife is driving well. Just needs some more practice in parallel parking.

My mother is driving well but a 'little bit' slowly. Last time I was in the car with her I offered to use the navigation on my iphone as she was not sure how to get to our destination.

After a few meters the navigation voice said "you seem to be on foot. Would you like me to change to pedestrian mode?" ...

Luckily my mrs is a good driver kind of so she remembers these things and she isnt to bad at parking either just ridesbthe clutch cus its a ****ty car (pug 107)

red and green deffo be seen

That's the funniest post iv read for a while

Thankfully mine is quite reasonable. She doesn't drive much so she is quite causous but in a good way. Thankfully she looks ahead at roundabout, because that really does my nut in when people stop then look to see if its clear. Parking needs some work but its not awful. She is super careful in the fabia, she says how little you need to prod the pedal for it to fly off lol. But then her fiesta needs revving to make it move quickly so it will fell like that I guess.

My wife's a million times better than that - I trained her well!... but my mum... she's about on par with the above!

Yes. SWMBO is an appalling driver. I regularly have to shut my eyes to block out what she's doing. But normally she issues a constant stream of questions about what's going on on the road. Some are rhetorical some are not but my answer is invariably wrong/insulting/unwanted.

Brilliant post OP! I'd suggest (if she would not let you train her) to sit in the back and read something while she's driving, if you can of course . Or have to trhee finger shots of 12 year old single malt of your choice befoehand - world tends to look more optimistic .

I can't complain luckily, after all, I thought her to drive twenty odd years ago and keep training her when she's driving me so she is dong well. When we do Europe long hauls I can sleep in the front seat - feel safe even on non-limited autobanhs . She never had an accident either.

Yes. SWMBO is an appalling driver. I regularly have to shut my eyes to block out what she's doing. But normally she issues a constant stream of questions about what's going on on the road. Some are rhetorical some are not but my answer is invariably wrong/insulting/unwanted.

bl00ming h311, running commentary would drive me completely bonkers - can you wear noise cancelling headphones while she's driving?

bl00ming h311, running commentary would drive me completely bonkers - can you wear noise cancelling headphones while she's driving?

Then I'd get accused of ignoring her which is on par with racial genocide in the SWMBOs big bumper book of crimes.

The wiper thing gets me. Wipers battering across a dry screen leaving a trail of melted rubber. It's like nail down a blackboard.

Well that and the tailgating.

And the refusal to learn the switchgear in the car

And the lane hogging

And the indicating after beginning a manoeuvre.

When I'm driving all I get is "are you not looking" every time someone brakes in front of me. But I leave a big gap between me and the car in front so when they're off and on the brakes (normally tailgating) I can control the car with the throttle and engine braking. She doesn't get that. The only way to slow down is to use the brakes :think:

Much sympathy for the OP

Edited 18 December, 201213 yr by Aspman

Oh yes, ignoring SWMBO is on par with mass murdering puppy seals!

My current challange is to teach her throttle feathering to achieve good fuel economy - currently it is like "I want it go forward so I press that pedal on the right hand side and it goes. What do you mean do not push it as far as it goes?!?"

My one indicates too early on the other hand lol.

Me driving in vRS with her and kiddos is hillarious. Kids absolutely love the acceleration but she thinks we are already doing 200mph while we haven't even broken through 70mph NSL - love my vRS

My ex was a mental behind the wheel. Didn't wear seatbelt and braking points at speed were well off. Didn't indicate, couldn't park and it was all everyone elses fault. You can see why she's an ex. Very few girls I know can drive well. The ones who passed with the same instructor as me are all good, including my mother over 30 years ago. They all don't speed much but when they do they are pretty good.

On my way to work I drive down a straight but narrow section of road with houses on either side. There are marked parking bays on my side of the road which are normally all occupied.

Yesterday I came to the above section of road and proceeded to overtake the parked cars, I could see about 100 yards beyond the end of the narrow section and the road was clear. Once I had started overtaking the parked cars a silver ford KA appeared round the bend coming the other at speed (a lot more than 30mph which is the limit). The driver made no attempt to slow down despite me being there with 3 cars behind me. Before I reached the end of the parked cars I realised the KA driver wasn't slowing down, so I stopped. The KA hurtled towards me, slowed slightly, then drove onto the pavement in order to get past me and the cars behind me.

As the KA went past the little old lady driving it was shaking her fist and swearing at me. She drove along the pavement for probably 20-30 yards before going back onto the road.

She narrowly missed a bin man who was standing on the pavement with a wheely bin waiting for the bin lorry. The bin man just looked at me with a "WTF!" expression. There were also two women with prams walking along the pavement.

Old people are ******s. I don't know where this idea of sweet old ladies comes from.