BLURT !

[mbames]

oooh, my washing machine just paid out £2.20 - I wonder if that is payment for the various socks which have gone missing over the years?

[Lazy Daisy]

Anyone fancy playing lucky dic ?

[vrsadz]

did not know it was going to this hot

[Harvey1978]

I have a birth mark on my left butt cheek that says ious d, what could it mean?

[Brimma]

Is it natural for testicles to itch this much?

[sausage roll]

Your ass is grass, and I'm the fecking lawnmower!

[mbames]

Dorset Knob Throwing..... just because.

http://www.dorsetknobthrowing.com/

[@Lee]

it goes up alright, but it goes down after she's been sat on it and rocked back n forth a few times; I reckon the gas struts goin, how much are office chairs?

[Hairy Chris]

I'm sure I was able to do it in public last year.

[Zlin]

Born free, and life is worth living,

But only worth living,

'Cause you're born free,

Stay free, where no walls divide you...

[Brimma]

F*ck me, I think it's stopped raining

[richie]

Another day in paradise................. I frigging wish!!

[Aspman]

The little known 11th plague came from the book of Chav recently discovered in a housing estate.

"And lo tho thou may be travelling to to thy repose thou shalt be blocked on all sides by the plague of Corsa. In front shall be the Corsa of the aged glittering as newly birthed yet as slow as the crawling worm. Behind thout shalt not escape for the corsa of yoof shall block thy path. Thou shalt know it by it's corrupted shell, adorned by ill fitting scales of many colours and hearded by a pustulised imp of few moons who worships at the idols of Max Power and Halfords. Thou mustest stay true to your path and though shalt burst through the corruptions with the strength of 197 horses when the path runs straight and clear."

[Jonny5ive]

I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you

[slicendice]

No Sir....what you need is the ThrustBuster 5000 with integrated Ramming Taps

[sausage roll]

Fu©kadooodledoo is it nearly the weekend again yet?

[SkodaTC]

Is it too late to change the national anthem to the theme from Minder?

[Lazy Daisy]

It's not Stefen Lindburg, they just want you to think that

[prolfe]

It smells like burnt hair on a turd!

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[slicendice]

Don't you come in here givin it all flappy hands

[Harvey1978]

You don't always have to f*ck her hard,

in fact sometimes thats not right to do,

sometimes you gotta make some love,

and f*cking give her some smooches too

[richie]

I have a cunning plan................

[Jonny5ive]

Midnight runners, city slickers, gunmen and maniacs, all feature on the freak show, and I can't do nothin' bout dat no no

[sausage roll]

Depressed? WTF has he got to be depressed about? He's got a licence to kill FFS!!!

[@Lee]

,,,,,,,no Mr. Bond, I expect you to nip through t' back parlour and pour us all a nice cuppa tea, THEN I expect you to die.