BLURT !

[stever750]

Map.

A device for cleaning the floor in Belfast.

[Aspman]

..so I told her "three hard twists and it'll come right off".

[Latte]

Last night the aliens returned!

I thought they had got everything they needed in the previous abduction, but apparently at that time they remounted my head on a screw thread, so that next time they could just take my head. Less energy needed an that.

Anyway to keep things tidy whilst they have it, they fitted me with a horses head, which is nice.

So I just went down the Nags Head for a drink. I thought I'd fit right in, but Gerry the landlord had other ideas.

"Oi don't stand there with that long face" he says, "we open at half past and not before".

[SkodaTC]

...and for my next trick I shall be holding my breath until the next Blurt, drum roll please.

5

4

3

2

1...

[Aspman]

College Courses -

1457 - Safe corpse disposal, for fun and profit

2267 - How to become an ethnic minority

0419 - Business startups in Nigeria

3422 - Milk the system, become a politician

[@Lee]

I bet Vangelis is looking forward to this months royalties cheque :think:

[uncle bulgaria]

I don't think i've told you, but yesterday I'm sure I saw Phil Oakey browsing in Lakeland at Meadowhall!

But then SWMBO told me a neighbour had seen the Police on our street and I kinda felt my celebrity spotting had been trumped!

[@Lee]

Libor? Well, it's not a yes or no thing, legally. I'm sorry, there was a misunderstanding of a misunderstanding, which made me not give a **** about where the money was coming from at the time, and apart from that, I don't recall. Can I go now, only I've a table booked for some banker chums of mine at Annabel's for eight thirty.

[RainbowFire]

You pass 3422 with distinction when you claim the course fees on expenses.

[Zlin]

Well the problem is, you and I weren't here and this conversation never took place, so I can't remember what the **** you didn't tell me!

[Hairy Chris]

Why won't it fit?

[SkodaTC]

...my kids are at that age where they have just realised I know jack 5hit about anything.

[uncle bulgaria]

What are my thoughts????

Well, if I were to give you my thoughts, it would go something like "i wish he'd take his ****eyed plans and shove 'em up his own rectilinear pathway!" Good enough for you, or should I just get up and follow common sense out of the door?????

[uncle bulgaria]

Please don't take offence at what i've just said to your face, soon enough your head will be back up your soothing ar$e, and all will be well!

[uncle bulgaria]

Soooo on top of my day job you want me to run by you, put a flag up a mast, kick things round a ball park, take a leap of faith with some blue sky thinking and..... share your vision???

At exactly which point in your carer did you start having visions?

[uncle bulgaria]

It's apparent that our department is led by a man who sees visions, blindly being followed by his flock of senior managers!

Am I the only one in here who thinks this is a little odd?

Don't answer that....!

[Aspman]

Cheap meat

[uncle bulgaria]

Remember a pat on the back ain't but 6 inches away from a kick up the a$$!

[Lazy Daisy]

Anyone got a spare ticket to the Plushies & Furries confurence at Earls Court ??

[uncle bulgaria]

The whole day has just been made worth while! My new boss has just said to me "I dont think you got as much out my presentation as what I wanted you to get!" To which his boss (casually walking by) said "that's because unlike the rest of your team, he has a clearly defined limit as to how much BS he can swallow!" and walked off!

Yes CJ, thank you CJ!

[Aspman]

So I took the King of the Swingers to a local swinging party. He had a great time. Not sure the hosts husband was so keen on being forcibly impregnated by a 120kg orangutan.

[SkodaTC]

Hey Edmonds, there's no such thing as a 'Quarter Millionaire'.

[Jonny5ive]

Anyone got a spare ticket to the Plushies & Furries confurence at Earls Court ??

Nope. Been there, done

[Lazy Daisy]

The proprietor of the Hinckley fancy dress shop now drives a very big Mercedes.

[Lazy Daisy]

I'm NOT posting the link

Edited 17 July, 2012 by Lazy Daisy