As someone who has been driving since the late 70's when cars were a lot less well equipped than today (unless you were very upmarket) I have purchased more than my fair share of car related tat to enhance my motoring experiences over the years.

Back in the day I had a Nissan Cherry Turbo ZX (all jap "performance" cars had long names....) which was slightly err "interesting" to drive on anything but dry roads. If you wanted to overtake it was a case of pull out and wait.... the term "turbo lag" was surely invented for this car....it was pretty quick though in its day.

As a gormless youthful type I purchased something that I think was called...."Ice Tec"....?.

This stunning device was a bit of black sticky tape with numbers on that fastened onto your wing mirror and changed colour to give you an early warning of low outside temperatures e.g. 2 deg c it turned blue etc. (Stop laughing at the back !).

It failed to dawn on me that at night when you might have wanted to know this info the "Ice Tec" was invisible..!

So....anyone else with embarassing car related tat stories.........?

I bought a boot tidy in the early '80's which was fine until unwrapped and you put something in it.

Then the velcro pouches would fight you all the way to ensure they didn't close or hold anything in. It'd generally fold up or come loose when it shouldn't and would empty all its contents and just leer at me whenever I opened the boot.

Gaz

a spare set of car keys for the wife.....

About 4 years ago; a "thing" that clipped over the ear piece of a mobile phone that was supposed to transmit to the radio when a call was received.

Firstly you had to tune one of the buttons on the radio to the required frequency.

Secondly the trouble was you had to press the phone to accept the call and press one of the channel buttons on the radio to hear what was being said.

Think I used it a couple of times and ended up putting it back in the box!

Found it when we moved, so perhaps I should put it on ebay!

Universal mudflaps.

Didn't fit....

a Poundland Ice-scraper-mitt-torch combo. Water got into the area where the battery was, killing the torch function, the acrylic was very hard, and the cold when scraping the windscreen made it brittle and it shattered. The mitt attachment was made from papier mache I think and detached itself from the handle. Needless to say I'll buy another one as it was only a quid

I bought on of those scrolling message displays that sit on the parcel shelf. Never got round to using it lol

I bought on of those scrolling message displays that sit on the parcel shelf. Never got round to using it lol

Not really useless so to speak, but more useless in your hands :p

I bought on of those scrolling message displays that sit on the parcel shelf. Never got round to using it lol

I'd get locked up if I had one of those.

Not really useless so to speak, but more useless in your hands :p

Yep too right lol

I think it has a sweat filter on it Garry! I'll have to find out now

Will update you all

Yep too right lol

I think it has a sweat filter on it Garry! I'll have to find out now

Will update you all

Ah that would suck if it does :(

Often thought about getting one for all those middle lane hoggers on the m'way, buy sure it'll do more harm than good!

Swear filter or not, I have sufficient vocabulary to tell some one

they are a brain dead oxygen thief lane hogger without having to swear at all.

I'd want one on the front which displayed in reverse as well.

Other favourites would be

"Put your phone down you stupid fat cow and watch the road"

"Isn't it about time you surrendered your licence Grandad?"

"Today would be nice"

"I've noted your details and will be passing them on to the Police"

"Is that heap of junk insured?"

"We drive on the left in this country."

"Put some seatbelts on your kids you stupid woman"

"Exactly how many more people can you fit in a 5 seater?"

"Your lights are dazzling me you retard"

"There isn't enough room in my boot for your car so BACK OFF"

"I have a gun, and I've killed before"

"You can't polish a turd, so stop doing your damn make up bimbo"

I could go on all day

Swear filter or not, I have sufficient vocabulary to tell some one

they are a brain dead oxygen thief lane hogger without having to swear at all.

I'd want one on the front which displayed in reverse as well.

Other favourites would be

"Put your phone down you stupid fat cow and watch the road"

"Isn't it about time you surrendered your licence Grandad?"

"Today would be nice"

"I've noted your details and will be passing them on to the Police"

"Is that heap of junk insured?"

"We drive on the left in this country."

"Put some seatbelts on your kids you stupid woman"

"Exactly how many more people can you fit in a 5 seater?"

"Your lights are dazzling me you retard"

"There isn't enough room in my boot for your car so BACK OFF"

"I have a gun, and I've killed before"

"You can't polish a turd, so stop doing your damn make up bimbo"

I could go on all day

Brilliant... Garry you make me laugh!!!

Nearly Friday

I SSSSSSSSSO want one of them!

a spare set of car keys for the wife.....

ditto

Before the days of remote central locking, I had several of those lock de-icer things that were supposed to melt any ice that had formed in the lock. it worked by supposedly warming a probe that you inserted into the lock. Trouble is by the time the thing got warm, the battery was flat and the lock was still frozen solid.

My brother in his first car, bought a central long length light that you mounted on the parcel shelf in the back window. When you applied the brakes, it lit up like the centre brake light of today, except this strobed out from the centre on each side to the outer edge. Also when you indicated, the side you were indicating strobed out from the inside to outside edge (red). How he never got stopped with it I don't know.

Showing my age now.....

A stick-on, heated rear window element, that consumed more power than the dynamo was able to produce.

Swear filter or not, I have sufficient vocabulary to tell some one

they are a brain dead oxygen thief lane hogger without having to swear at all.

I'd want one on the front which displayed in reverse as well.

Other favourites would be

"Put your phone down you stupid fat cow and watch the road"

"Isn't it about time you surrendered your licence Grandad?"

"Today would be nice"

"I've noted your details and will be passing them on to the Police"

"Is that heap of junk insured?"

"We drive on the left in this country."

"Put some seatbelts on your kids you stupid woman"

"Exactly how many more people can you fit in a 5 seater?"

"Your lights are dazzling me you retard"

"There isn't enough room in my boot for your car so BACK OFF"

"I have a gun, and I've killed before"

"You can't polish a turd, so stop doing your damn make up bimbo"

I could go on all day

Haha that is brilliant. I'll have to get a little video for you Garry :-)

A Toyota Auris, Avoid.

an MG (modern type)

Not me personally but my mate has just spent a fortune buying some mooooogen fluid tank socks for his dc.2

Not me personally but my mate has just spent a fortune buying some mooooogen fluid tank socks for his dc.2

I had Spoon ones on my Civic.

Wristbands do the same job for a lot cheaper!

On topic, when I was younger and the same level of stupid, I bought a 'fuel magnet' for my 1.1 206. Unsurprisingly, it didn't do 100mpg.

These:

You glue them onto the centre of a round headlight, they spin as you drive faster, and the eyelash inserts clean the headlight. I fitted them to my 1955 Standard Vanguard I had about 6 yrs back, I didn't see them spinning, but one whistled past my right ear at 60mph.

When young, niaive and skint I used waste motor oil from a local garage when servicing my Mk 1 Mini. It turned to gunge with white/brown crud enveloping the inside of the rocker cover! Idiot and lesson learned.

Bought one of those disabled steering wheel handles for my Astra. Pointless when you have power steering