Dear Santa

I've been a very good boy this year, so I hope you don't mind me writing to you so you know what i'd like to find under the tree when I wake up on Christmas morning?

I'd like to have a 2012 Octavia vRS wagon in Rallye Green with all the trimmings (options) and a k04, rolling on black Neuspeed Rse14s with Bilstein B16 coilovers, eibach ARBs and Supalloy control arms with the black alcantara interior and a black grille surround.

.. or maybe if you cant get that how about a McLaren MP4-12C? A used one would be fine.

Hope you are well, best wishes to Mrs Claus and Rudolph.

Yours sincerely

Robert (aged 42 and three quarters).

ps. I know I'm probably getting socks, again, but it's got to be worth a try?

Santa's internet is fried at the moment (all those whingey whiney kids sending e-mail), so he asked me to pass this on:

Dear Robert,

We know you've been a good boy this year, as we've not seen you on Crimewatch for a while. Unfortunately we have run out of those vRS thingys this year as they've all been sold to China, we only have blue ones left.

Would a Shakira Live In Paris DVD do instead?

Mrs Claus sends her regards and is just putting the finishing touches to a rather fetching bright yellow pair of socks, with matching Vauxhall logos on, she's made you.

Must go, have got some naughty girls to visit before christmas. Ho' ho' ho'

Yours,

Santa

Socks AND Shakira - You're spoiling me!

Dear Santa

I also have been a very good boy this year.

im not greedy, so can i please have a facelift race blue octy VRS 2.0 T FSI

you can even have my ****ty vectra sri cdti as part ex.

merry xmas

Rab, aged 25 and a bit.

Santa's internet is still fried at the moment (all those whingey whiney kids sending e-mail), so he asked me to pass this on:

Dear Rab,

Sorry to hear that you've got fuxall Vectra, obviously you've not been that good in the past to have ended up with such a drive-filler. However, company policy (Santa (UK) Ltd.) prohibits part-exchanging previous errors made by customers.

Besides, given the recent (and yet to come) weather in Scotia, I feel that such a beast could be put to far better use as a sledge, plus it would save tears if it "accidently" slid into a tree, or BMW X5 (for example).

Mrs. Claus has finished Rob's socks and has started on some nice race-blue ones for you instead, as compensation. Sadly, she can't knit chicken eyes, and so hopes you're happy with a Ford logo instead.

Regards

Santa

Socks AND Shakira - You're spoiling me!

Watch it! Santa says he could easily swap Shakira for some Ferrero Rocher. :rofl:

Dear Santa,

I dont not require a new car, im not greedy nor can i afford the insurance hike but for xmas this year all i want is a new shiny Duel Mass Flywheel and new clutch. The naughty boys and girls at the dealership will not replace it yet (they better be off your gift list) Iv been ever so good this year and i promise if you get my a new DMF i will pay for the remap myself

Your sincerely

Emma aged 22 and a little tiny bit

Dear Santa,

I dont not require a new car, im not greedy nor can i afford the insurance hike but for xmas this year all i want is a new shiny Duel Mass Flywheel and new clutch. The naughty boys and girls at the dealership will not replace it yet (they better be off your gift list) Iv been ever so good this year and i promise if you get my a new DMF i will pay for the remap myself

Your sincerely

Emma aged 22 and a little tiny bit

Santa's new 100Mb leased line is on order, but he's having trouble getting a stable 3G connection while he waits (the Elves hats are interfering with the signal). He sent me this by fax though:

Dear Emma,

Sorry to hear you didn't want a whole new car, I've got this race-blue VRS 2.0 T FSI with private plates on sitting here for you, taxed and insured for 5 years. I'll have to find some other deserving individual instead, or, I could put it on ePray with "collection only", that'll keep the sleigh lighter at least.

Those naughty boys at the dealership have been removed from my list. I shall be visiting the naughty girls at the dealership and explaining to them about "sisterly love" and how they should be moving heaven and earth to help a fellow sister. Sadly, my usual suit is at the cleaners ready for saturday night, and all I have left is my leather one.

However, seeing as you have been such a good girl (according to my spies, oh, and Craig <in his unbiased opinion of course>) am sure I can find someone who will give you a dual-mass thingy and clutch whatsit. I'll get the elves to have a "quiet word" with SUK's head of customer service. (Mental note: must frisk elves)

Mrs Claus says hello, and thought socks might not be thing you'd like this year, so she's knitting you some bright orange UGG boots. She was feeling in a musical mood and was singing to herself while she made them. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly la la la la da da da.". She can be a bit absent-minded and stitched some of the words to your boots. Think of her when you're singing "LADA"

Happy days,

Santa

Edited 20 December, 201114 yr by RainbowFore

Socks AND Shakira - You're spoiling me!

I'd gladly make do with just Shakira. No point being greedy.

Dear Santa,

Can I please have a year free of breakdowns, dealers visits and general disappointment?

And while I'm at it some BBS CH's, reversing camera, mfsw, H&R touring kit, heated seats, braided lines, endless pads and a remap.

Eoin, ages 28 and eleven twelfth.

PS - If you can't get Shakira I'm prepared to live with Scarlett Johanssan.

Edited 20 December, 201114 yr by EoinM

Santa's new 100Mb leased line is on order, but he's having trouble getting a stable 3G connection while he waits (the Elves hats are interfering with the signal). He sent me this by fax though:

Dear Emma,

Sorry to hear you didn't want a whole new car, I've got this race-blue VRS 2.0 T FSI with private plates on sitting here for you, taxed and insured for 5 years. I'll have to find some other deserving individual instead, or, I could put it on ePray with "collection only", that'll keep the sleigh lighter at least.

Those naughty boys at the dealership have been removed from my list. I shall be visiting the naughty girls at the dealership and explaining to them about "sisterly love" and how they should be moving heaven and earth to help a fellow sister. Sadly, my usual suit is at the cleaners ready for saturday night, and all I have left is my leather one.

However, seeing as you have been such a good girl (according to my spies, oh, and Craig <in his unbiased opinion of course>) am sure I can find someone who will give you a dual-mass thingy and clutch whatsit. I'll get the elves to have a "quiet word" with SUK's head of customer service. (Mental note: must frisk elves)

Mrs Claus says hello, and thought socks might not be thing you'd like this year, so she's knitting you some bright orange UGG boots. She was feeling in a musical mood and was singing to herself while she made them. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly la la la la da da da.". She can be a bit absent-minded and stitched some of the words to your boots. Think of her when you're singing "LADA"

Happy days,

Santa

Dear Santa

Thank you for your speedy reply, however Santa im slightly disappointed, i felt we had a special bond over the 22 years of you delivering presents to me but to offer me a petrol is just damn right cheeky. I have a great fondness of the diesel engine and i thought you of all people knew this..:( Rudolf can still have his carrot but you my dear Sir will be receiving no mince pie nor brandy this year, i hope to see an improvement for next year...although if you do have an Mk4 R32's in stock ill happily take it off your hands.

Although i would be entirely grateful of a new DMF and i will treat it with the greatest of care, untill the vehicle in question is remapped in the New Year, you may aswell set up a standing order, not telling you how to do your job but just a tip.

Also to Mrs Clause, thank you ever so much for the UGG's are painstakingly preparing for me, although for next year i would perfer 'TATA' as they are deemed the much sort after brand name.

All The Best

Emma

Dear santa

I not greedy, just would like the rally green with all extras except leather, instead of leather will have the 3.0tdi engine with 4x4 traction.

Edited 20 December, 201114 yr by alberg

Socks and Shakira dvd.......don't go there.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad, no actually terrible news, but Santa passed away this week!

He died while operating heavy machinery in the warehouse due to a number of greedy bar stewards (ahemmm you lot above!) asking for brand new cars instead of a scalectrix.

Lads and ladies you pushed him to far, too far i tell you

Luckily my dog is related to one of the reindeer (don't ask he was on a night out ) and so im looking forward to getting a bit of money from the will, or possibly a bit of Mrs Claus if no cash incentive is forthcoming.

Merry Chrimbo and all that

Edited 20 December, 201114 yr by dainott

Sorry to be the bearer of bad, no actually terrible news, but Santa passed away this week!

He died while operating heavy machinery in the warehouse due to a number of greedy bar stewards (ahemmm you lot above!) asking for brand new cars instead of a scalectrix.

Lads and ladies you pushed him to far, too far i tell you

Luckily my dog is related to one of the reindeer (don't ask he was on a night out ) and so im looking forward to getting a bit of money from the will, or possibly a bit of Mrs Claus if no cash incentive is forthcoming.

Merry Chrimbo and all that

Santa text me to say he's not visiting Wales at all this year.

I'd gladly make do with just Shakira. No point being greedy.

Dear Santa,

Can I please have a year free of breakdowns, dealers visits and general disappointment?

And while I'm at it some BBS CH's, reversing camera, mfsw, H&R touring kit, heated seats, braided lines, endless pads and a remap.

Eoin, ages 28 and eleven twelfth.

PS - If you can't get Shakira I'm prepared to live with Scarlett Johanssan.

Santa's leased line will be installed on 28th december. A carrier pidgeon brought this message (avoiding Wales on the way through):

Dear Eoin,

A year free of breakdowns you say? A shiney red Raleigh bike will it on it's way to you, hope you like red! I'll collect it back off you December 25th 2012, please leave it in the back garden.

Ms. Johanssan has said she'd be delighted to live you as she'd be able to live in Ireland for tax reasons. However, she is a rather demanding yound lady and has said that she has some demands that need to be me. One of which is to bath in asses milk each day (like Cleopatra). I asked her "does it need to be pasteurized?" and she said, "no, just up to my tits"

Mrs. Claus has decided to knit you a pair of headrest covers. Sadly, being geopraphically illiterate, they're blue, with the cross of St. Andrew on one side and "Fiat" on the other. She is feeling a bit under the weather today too.

Cheers,

Santa.

Edited 21 December, 201114 yr by RainbowFore

Dear Santa

Thank you for your speedy reply, however Santa im slightly disappointed, i felt we had a special bond over the 22 years of you delivering presents to me but to offer me a petrol is just damn right cheeky. I have a great fondness of the diesel engine and i thought you of all people knew this..:( Rudolf can still have his carrot but you my dear Sir will be receiving no mince pie nor brandy this year, i hope to see an improvement for next year...although if you do have an Mk4 R32's in stock ill happily take it off your hands.

Although i would be entirely grateful of a new DMF and i will treat it with the greatest of care, untill the vehicle in question is remapped in the New Year, you may aswell set up a standing order, not telling you how to do your job but just a tip.

Also to Mrs Clause, thank you ever so much for the UGG's are painstakingly preparing for me, although for next year i would perfer 'TATA' as they are deemed the much sort after brand name.

All The Best

Emma

Hmmm, another (hand-written) fax from Santa:

Dear Emma,

I thought we agreed never to mention our "special relationship" in public :no: :no: especially after that incident with the cheese, the sandpaper and the novelty egg-cup :o

Santa.

Dear santa

I not greedy, just would like the rally green with all extras except leather, instead of leather will have the 3.0tdi engine with 4x4 traction.

Santa certainly knows his communication skills......this came by semaphore:

Dear Alberg,

I'll send some snow with that too. Hope you like your new Land Rover.

Mrs, Claus is asleep the now, so I'll leave her a note to make you something special in the morning.

Santa

Socks and Shakira dvd.......don't go there.

[This comment has been moderated due to graphic content and general nudity. Not of Shakira, we hasten to add, before you all get your hopes up.]

[Due to moderation the only publishable part of the original post is as follows.......]

on a moon-lit night in January.

Santa's internet is still fried at the moment (all those whingey whiney kids sending e-mail), so he asked me to pass this on:

Dear Rab,

Sorry to hear that you've got fuxall Vectra, obviously you've not been that good in the past to have ended up with such a drive-filler. However, company policy (Santa (UK) Ltd.) prohibits part-exchanging previous errors made by customers.

Besides, given the recent (and yet to come) weather in Scotia, I feel that such a beast could be put to far better use as a sledge, plus it would save tears if it "accidently" slid into a tree, or BMW X5 (for example).

Mrs. Claus has finished Rob's socks and has started on some nice race-blue ones for you instead, as compensation. Sadly, she can't knit chicken eyes, and so hopes you're happy with a Ford logo instead.

Regards

Santa

"fuxall" PMSL thats a new one on me i like it, will be using said word in future.

Cheers Santa,

TBH if it ended up in a tree i wouldnt be that upset, preferably an X5 rams the back of it over the festive lol.

i look forward to my socks, im a ford man at heart anyway. (however sense does dictate a move to VAG)

aslong at i dont get mixed up with Robs fuxall socks i will be happy lol.

Santa certainly knows his communication skills......this came by semaphore:

Dear Alberg,

I'll send some snow with that too. Hope you like your new Land Rover.

Mrs, Claus is asleep the now, so I'll leave her a note to make you something special in the morning.

Santa

Dear Santa, sorry to informe you that the new Land Rover reminds me of the Texas chainsaw massacre.

The roof, well not my taste.

You can keep the snow and since your also on crises, keep the 4x4.

Will take a full trunk of FERRERO ROCHER.

My kid wants a few transformers and my teenage girls wants a MP5.

Nothing for the wi**, she was naughty.

Dear Santa,

I don't want a lot for Christmas just the 1st jackpot winning euro lottery ticket of 2012 please.

Dear Santa, sorry to informe you that the new Land Rover reminds me of the Texas chainsaw massacre.

The roof, well not my taste.

You can keep the snow and since your also on crises, keep the 4x4.

Will take a full trunk of FERRERO ROCHER.

My kid wants a few transformers and my teenage girls wants a MP5.

Nothing for the wi**, she was naughty.

Santa's up to using a 33k modem today:

Dear Alberg,

Sorry to hear the Land Rover isn't to your taste, it does seem to be such an aquired taste these days.

I have a 9x9 R-Power sleigh, so I'm afraid I'll have to pass your generous offer on to another unsuspe.......er, deserving soul.

Nelly The Elephant will be round on Sunday morning with a full trunk of Ferrero Rocher. (Santa (UK) Ltd, is not responsible

...oh, not responsible for any extras gained in transit (hay, fluff, elephant snot etc.))

As for your daughters, Messers Heckler & Koch have said that their MP5 (see here) Is not for sale or use by anyone under the age of 21. So, my apologies, I shall be unable to fulfill that request.

I would suggest you give your son 10 euros, and, if he watches closely, within a few months it will have transformed into a worthless piece of paper that would be best used as a fire-lighter.

Say "hi" to the wife for me! I remember how naughty she's been this year....... :devil:

(all these naughty girls and only one santa to go round :D

Mrs Claus has knitted you a pull-over with a nice big Hyundai logo on it, in blue

and orange

and green

and purple

Cheeri

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't want a lot for Christmas just the 1st jackpot winning euro lottery ticket of 2012 please.

(Still on his 33k modem.....)

Dear Phil,

Granted, although I should inform you that 150,000,000 (ish) other people have asked for the same thing. Good luck in claiming your winnings, by the time you collect on your 1 Euro, it'll be worth just about 50 cents, although that should be just enough to by Greece.

Mr Claus thought very carefully, about what to knit you.........

Santa

As for your daughters, Messers Heckler & Koch have said that their MP5 (see here) Is not for sale or use by anyone under the age of 21. So, my apologies, I shall be unable to fulfill that request.

Dear Santa

I suffer badly from schizophrenia - half of me would quite like a Yeti, but the other half thinks they are a crock of sheite

F*CK, W*NK, B*LL*CKS

Yours

Brimma

PS - I also suffer from Tourettes