Found a friends boyfriend on a dating site - what do?

[XLBaconDoubleCheese]

If your mates with her best friend too, talk to her about setting up a sting as Ema said maybe?

[cysne]

I also wouldn't get involved as they will find out eventually. I can't believe she doesn't know tbh.

If you're certain you want to get involved, just print out a copy of the profile, with nothing on it to point to you and then leave somewhere she will find it (but he is less likely to) or post it to her best mate.

Don't tell her you did it, don't say anything at all.

Indeed - that's alteast one part of it i'm sticking to, I wont tell her I did what ever Im gonna do, yet say nothing about it. She can come to me.

This hits home with me as my ex boyfriend did this to me.

Tell her but before she makes her mind what to do about it tell her both of you catch him in the act, just to put the final nail in coffin. Create a profile or get his number off the site (if it displayed) and see how far he will go. I did this to my ex as he was living with his parents so I arranged to meet up with him (obviously posing as someone else) and the look on his face when he saw my car pull up was priceless. If she confronts him about it only going on your word he may be able to work his way out it but if he caught red handed then there's no excuses.

Ouchie - sorry about that! Atleast I know im not crazy and it does happen. I'm considering setting him up, but maybe alot of work. I don't have that much time to plot and plan. :'( plus as above I don't want to be the person that splits them up. I'll help out were I can and do good, but I'm not gonna try help people that don't want to be helped.

If your mates with her best friend too, talk to her about setting up a sting as Ema said maybe?

Yeh I am, I would rather not get that involved that deep sadly, drama is no fun and I don't want to be the guy that broke them up and I don't think I'd want to pressure her best friend to help me with it.

I think I'll try the anon route and see what happens. I have to do something, but I just don't want to be the guy.

[Delcac]

I know people who know people.........taps side of nose with index finger.

FFS... just tell her that you fancy her.

PS I have been known to make the odd mistake.

[national]

Do NOT make an new email account, EMAILS are NOT annonymous

(I could explain how to read the headers but you do not need to know so will save time)

If you do want to email, go to an internet cafe or library and send her an email from there with a copy attached of his advert, that would be annonymous

National

[LewJo]

I would just tell her and let her make up her own mind on what shes going to do with that information.

[cysne]

Not taken any action yet - still can't decide what to do, now she's announced there moving in together and it seems to be hard to get hold of her, also, strange enough he's deleted his facebook, not sure if it's relevant or not. Just seems a little bit strange - his profile is still there, but he's also deleted his pictures off it. Still active though, last online today.

Now I'm lost and completely unsure what to do. Sadly I didn't take any screen caps etc of the profile. :(

[Jane_i10]

You need to get her told before they move in together, this is will make things alittle more complex if she breaks up with him.

[gadgetman]

Personally I'd be even more inclined to steer clear.

She could have told him you're on a dating site, he's covering tracks ahead of a move in, or she's caught him and told him to bin it. The not seeing you could be his terms - SWMBO and I had a similar thing with p0rn and her male friend when we moved in all those years ago. He was persistently trying to get with her, but history on that regard with his love them and leave them especially when hard to get sealed his fate. I didn't have to do anything in the end as SWMBO kicked him hard in the knackers! I just told him he heard her :lol:

There is now much more for you to lose, so just be there for her now and when things blow up.

[cysne]

You need to get her told before they move in together, this is will make things alittle more complex if she breaks up with him.

I agree, it isn't going to be fair on >her< daughter if she gets messed around, moving into a new place, then finding out. Still been a little girl and don't want to take the backlash, but I guess the sooner the better. It's just frustrating me and worrying me a little that I can't get much dialogue out of her, I want to make sure she's ok before I drop a bomb on her.

Personally I'd be even more inclined to steer clear.

She could have told him you're on a dating site, he's covering tracks ahead of a move in, or she's caught him and told him to bin it. The not seeing you could be his terms - SWMBO and I had a similar thing with p0rn and her male friend when we moved in all those years ago. He was persistently trying to get with her, but history on that regard with his love them and leave them especially when hard to get sealed his fate. I didn't have to do anything in the end as SWMBO kicked him hard in the knackers! I just told him he heard her :lol:

There is now much more for you to lose, so just be there for her now and when things blow up.

Also a good point - thankfully, I don't think anyone know's i'm on the website, so hopefully he hasn't got one up on me. I like your story, wish this would end soon without me having to do something, if she would kick him in the nuts and tell him to f off I'd be happy!

As before, I do acknowledge that I have alot to lose and it's stopping me making action.

The only people I have told, apart from this post are two real life friends, who don't know the guy, they know the girl, but don't have really any contact with her. They both say they haven't told him / her.

I'll keep ya'll updated, any more tips are always apperciated!

[Lew_VRS]

Maybe he is feeling a bit guilty.. Ready to hang up the johnnies and settle down since they are moving in together?!

Doubt it though.. boys will be boys and all that.

I wouldn't get involved personally.. cause way too much ****.

[cysne]

Also just considering picking up the phone and actually ringing her, madness, right? But for some reason I'm stopping myself.

[seboni121]

Steer clear , cut ties and get on with your life, you'll eventually find your own soulmate which won't have a sprogg in tow

[cysne]

Maybe he is feeling a bit guilty.. Ready to hang up the johnnies and settle down since they are moving in together?!

Doubt it though.. boys will be boys and all that.

I wouldn't get involved personally.. cause way too much ****.

Yeh, that's what I'm worried about. In my opinion once a cheater always a cheater (from personal experiance... that's another story )

[cysne]

Steer clear , cut ties and get on with your life, you'll eventually find your own soulmate which won't have a sprogg in tow

Surprised at how many times I have heard this advice to do with this girl - hmm, maybe there might be something in it. But for some reason I struggle to follow it. Maybe it's time

[Lew_VRS]

Yeh, that's what I'm worried about. In my opinion once a cheater always a cheater (from personal experiance... that's another story )

Having trouble keeping your hands out the cookie jar also

[Andypandy TFSI]

Don't ever mess in other folks relationships, they tend to both hate you, blame you and fall out with you.

The only good thing that can come of telling all is your conscience will be clear...You don't know what her reaction will be or even worse his reaction when she confronts him.

[Jane_i10]

Well to be honest coming from a womans opinion i would want to know and if i found out you knew all along and didt tell me, id be pretty p!ssed.

All you doing is looking out for her, the longer it is left, the more serious damage is going to caused. He has crossed the line even with just making the profile, no one can be sure other then himself how much more he has been up to but by the sounds of it he has gone all the way.

I know you dont want to get caught up in it all but say she finds out after they have moved in together or even worse if they get married ect theres going to be alot more on the table and wouldt you feel slightly guilty?

[Fabia_19]

I kind of agree with EmaJane the previous post. If something happened and you didn't tell her how guilty would you feel. Personally I'd either log on and show of in black and white on the Internet, print it off and post to her?? Although he could say his mate set it up etc etc... Or tell him that you know and see what he says!

[AdamFabiavRS]

You need to do something about this asap.

What if you let this lie and in the next few months they get engaged - she decides he's 'the one' and/or she falls pregnant? Then before you know it they are married with at least 1 child. Then she finds out another way (and yes cheats always get found out), they get divorced and go through court proceedings. The upbringing of an innocent child is affected as well. Yes this is very much worst case scenario but it could happen.

I would act now if i was you and don't be concerned about her attitude towards you.

[vindaloo]

Send an anonymous email or letter along, preferably when you've got a reason to be away for a few days or weeks. If he's being a **** then the girl needs to know.

You do not want to be the shoulder to cry on unless you're machiavellian and have a perfect poker face.

J.

[VladSoilerOfCarpets]

Don't ever mess in other folks relationships, they tend to both hate you, blame you and fall out with you.

The only good thing that can come of telling all is your conscience will be clear...You don't know what her reaction will be or even worse his reaction when she confronts him.

Agreed here- I once got the cold shoulder from two people who split up, because he told her that I introduced him to the girl he ended up splitting up with her to be with... the irony is I didn't even know they knew each other.

However, she should know. The guy's clearly a catch-you-next-Tuesday.

[Beryl's Chief Pilot]

I think you've got to man up for the little girl's sake. Like has been said, if they move in together that little girl's potentially gonna be in the centre of a very unstable relationship.

Don't confront him, get all the evidence you can & just tell her. Be honest, say that you wasn't sure whether to say anything or not but when you realised that she was gonna be living with a cheater, you knew you had to speak up. I know you don't want to jeopardize your relationship but surely there's more than that at stake now?

Good luck!!

[B33fy]

I think you've got to man up for the little girl's sake. Like has been said, if they move in together that little girl's potentially gonna be in the centre of a very unstable relationship.

Don't confront him, get all the evidence you can & just tell her. Be honest, say that you wasn't sure whether to say anything or not but when you realised that she was gonna be living with a cheater, you knew you had to speak up. I know you don't want to jeopardize your relationship but surely there's more than that at stake now?

Good luck!!

I'll go with Beryl on this, though make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and its not just about your conscience or any potential relationship developing. Present the facts and that's it, don't speculate, judge or take sides. Be prepared to loose the relationship that you have and also be prepared to walk away and give them space to sort this out one way or another. I'd also be mindful that these things come to the surface one way or another eventually anyhow.

[cysne]

Thanks Beryl / Beefy, going to go for it this afternoon. Going down the link of a email explaining and with link and screencaps. I'm doing it this afternoon, with a friend I can trust to help me with anything no questions asked. Will keep all updated as per results.

The only worry is she won't check her emails (she's ill with flu atm) and I can't just ring her to ask her to check her emails. Any ideas for this? Thanks.

Wish me luck!

[Beryl's Chief Pilot]

An email seems wrong to me? Also, if she's unwell, her mind processing/judgements might be impaired. I'd wait till she's better & then take a lap top & show her or if you can't wait take a laptop & a face mask!

Hmmm....... Beryl & Beefy's counselling services. I can just see the brass plaque on the door now....... :rofl: