Stop me if you've heard it / done it before

Servicing the vRS, warm up the engine nicely, mis-align the catch can, remove sump plug and half the old oil misses and makes interesting pattern on the drive.

Wrestle off the oil filter, fit the new one and measure in 4 litres of oil, which promptly joins the remains of the old oil on the drive.

Look round to see the new sump plug sitting on the bench in the garage behind me.

I once polished the engine of an old fiesta using sand to remove deposits from it as it was a cheap thing to do. Turned the engine upside down to try and get it all out and thought it was gone, but after reassembly there was a huge amount of wear and the engine knackered itself. In the end it was found that the sand had worn groves in the piston rings and bores and so had knackered the engine

OK, So I didn't

Edited 24 February, 200917 yr by cheezemonkhai

A few things on an old mini of mine.

1) removed the spark plugs leads to change something, put them back in the wrong order then couldn't work out why the engine wouldn't start.

2) took the radiator cap off to refill the radiator and forgot to put it back on, then wondered why it overheated fortunately found the cap still under the bonnet.

3) replacing the water pump bypass hose, after much struggling just got into place and stuck a screwdriver through it. Back to square one.

OK not mine but...

I had a hire car (ford focus) delivered for work and while I was putting my gear in it noticed oil running down the headlight :eek: Someone had topped the oil up but not put the cap back on, found it trapped between the engine and the bonnet. The oil had sprayed out and run along the underside of the bonnet and down the lights. took me 15mins to work out how to open the bonnet as it was the first focus I had driven and there wasn't a manual in the car and it was dark.

I once fitted a 1600cc Crossflow motor from a Mk2 escort into an 1100 mk2 Escort popular, and never bothered upgrading the brakes (Drums all round), it was short lived as I managed to side swipe 50 odd tons of Chieftan in the LAD compound whilst buggering around. 7 days in jail and a good kicking taught me to do brakes and handling before the power

After changing my brake fluid I was pumping the brake pedal to see how good it was and it just kept going to the floor. Then it suddenly ocurred to me that I hadn't re-fitted the rear brake drums.

I once spent a long time trying to refit a gear box to a Rover 200. It was not going well and I lost my temper and hit the car with a racthet. Luckily headlights for Rover 200's are very cheap to replace

Sort of me - towing a car back from the bodyshop to the garage where I used to with a land rover and a long tow rope. Mechanic driving the towed car took the big bunch of keys out of the ignition because they were banging against his knee. When I went round a bend the towed car didn't because the steering lock came on. The owners of the 3 front gardens I dragged him through were not best pleased.

Pulled an HT lead off a running engine because we thought it had a misfire! :eek:

I did post this on here.

On my way back from work, noticed my waher jets for the xenons are not working.

I get home and start looking for the cause, taking off piping, blowing down pipes, keep filling up the washer bottle.

Gave up for a bit and went inside. Then after an hour went back outside to try again to find the cause.

It was getting dark during my 2nd run of diagnostics and 15 litres of water in trying. I was soaked.

I then decided to turn the lights on.

Dooooooooooooooooooooh!

I thought the hydraulic bleed point on the clutch of my Estelle was some sort of lube point (as per the erronious handbook). Could not get any oil in the hole so loosened it of and pumped the clutch. The sound of squirting fluid warned me of my mistake but the next problem was finding that the bonnet was unable to be opened so that I could not top up the now empty reservoir.

TH

Snapped a Rickbrook aerial off my old focus while cleaning it.

Thought my new brakes were binding so went and checked. Back ones were kissing the disk, thought knew it...... then realised I left handbrake on :idea:

After changing my brake fluid I was pumping the brake pedal to see how good it was and it just kept going to the floor. Then it suddenly ocurred to me that I hadn't re-fitted the rear brake drums.

I'm glad to see I'm not alone with this one - I did the same in about 1972 on a Wartburg Knight with the front offside drum!

Brought a Skoda , not once , three times....................................

Getting out of the car thinking (or not) that I had turmed the engine off, lifted foot of clutch and car lurched straight into wall WHAM

Brought a Skoda , not once , three times....................................

Me too, and the wife is on her second one

was driving with the bonnet open(on the catch) and it flew open on the outside lane of the motorway on a old metro scary biscuitslol

Let the tow rope go slack...

Is that a Renault 18 in the above photo?

Is that a Renault 18 in the above photo?

1987 Audi Coupe quattro 2.2

Last year when changing front struts on my dads car we got distracted by my neighbour and after we had finished and were clearing up, he noticed in the boot the old strut still had the protective rubber boot and bump stop on it, that we hadn't changed. :duh:

Also last year my dad filled my mums Fabia Diesel with a full tank of Unleaded petrol. He claims he was thinking of the wedding he was going to. He did it once before in the old car and complained to the garage that they sold him watery fuel, he was told to look at the receipt and again found unleaded.

Me too, and the wife is on her second one

2nd for me, Mrs Stigs 1st. Best purchases we ever made

Tried to look out of drivers side window while reversing by sticking head out of a closed window. One of the downsides of very clean glass,

I'm used to a 3dr Mk4 Golf, window switches are in the same place but now with the Octavia there are 2 extra switches so more than once i've opened the back window and then smashed my arm off the glass of the front window

Before I gained the knowledge of such things, I got conned, I swapped my mint 88 Merc 260e with 18" or 19" AMG CLK Split Rims on (I forget which size, and yes they did bump the wheel arch, but they did look superb on it) for a 94 volvo 460 (in apparently MINT condition) you may ask why?

It was done because I couldnt afford the mercs running costs anymore. Drove the volvo from just north of Newcastle to Leicester non-stop with no water in the radiator, rear brakes were metal on metal, glowing and smoking, various other things, and after all that 1 month later unsurprisingly it failed its MOT (on LOTS) couldnt afford to repair so had to go for £25 scrap. I felt like kak :( But you live and learn.

The stupid thing I did in my old volvo 850 was on trying to wire a 600W inverter straight from the battery, replaced the batt terminal with gold plated terminals etc. It kept blowing the inline blade fuse. The connector I had used was a proper gold plated terminal block, it took me a while to realise it wasnt insulated and leaning on the metal in the engine bay, doh. If it wasnt for the inline blade fuse I put in straight after the battery I think it would have been a lot more than just few quid in blown fuses

Again... shant be doing that in a hurry. Fuses, fuses, fuses...lol

It wasn't me, but I've seen a car with a modern "every circuit fused separately" fusebox, where some 'sole had added a line fuse to protect every switch and piece of electrical kit! :eek: The only plus point was that they'd used spade connectors and not Scotchloks to splice in the extra fuses!