sepulchrave

I think you might be right, I looked at the spare parts diagram and the valve assembly is shown as an individual part so it can probably be replaced if you can get the old one undone without breaking anything, although alloy into alloy is notorious for corroding permanently into place.

Yes, leads only last a couple of plug changes, they're consumables as well. I reckon you've fixed it.

Of course not, it's rampant speculation from a master of magical thinking. The oil consumption issue was down to the use of mismatched piston rings and bore liners which meant the engine was almost impossible to run-in properly resulting in bore glazing, this same problem existed on the earlier 1.4 16V engines like the AUB as well, elderly buyers simply didn't drive the engines hard enough to get the rings sealing properly. It took a few months of brutal thrashing to get mine to seal up, I bought it on 49k and gave it to a family member at 110k. Modern synthetic oils are fantastic, you can't buy a bad one, brands have become completely irrelevant since the base stock is available wholesale for individual formulation using custom additive packs.

Mike and his monkey spunk moped?

I can't believe how stupid this sounds, it's like a quote from some sort of demented Bill Bailey gig. Why can't you just make the sounds with your mouth? Brrrrm, psssh! Brrrrm, psssht! Too-wit-too-woo... Etc.

The mufflerectomy releases the owl without murdering the cat!

Oh well, if the household expert is constantly nagging you then you'd better do as your told, time to fire up the magic money tree, it's not like we're heading into a recession or anything...

Extremely easy.

I don't know how you expect to get a wastegate sound when the PD doesn't even have a wastegate, you can't get a dump valve sound because a turbodiesel doesn't have a throttle either. Basically you can't get the sound effects of a petrol turbo because the engine doesn't even work the same way. Some people managed to get induction noise by fitting a Honda S2000 air filter in place of the standard air box, other people performed a mufflerectomy to get it to roar like a tractor, neither of these mods will fail an MOT and both are a lot cheaper.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/325793583877?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=zm0MgL4uSN-&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=_BlMq7ebT3O&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY Blimey, easy tiger, £30 is hardly a disaster, no need for drama and histrionics unless that's your line of work of course...

You're not missing anything simple, the valve has developed a fault and needs replacing, which means replacing the whole pipe it's welded into.

So you're gonna spunk £250 on a pointless mod and delete the cat because you're bored? Deleting the cat on a turbodiesel does nothing except fail the next MOT if the tester spots it.

Now, shut that laptop and head back to the beach/pool via the nearest bar!

Most small hatches with auto boxes have slushboxes, they're usually owned by old people and have very low mileages and amazing service histories. The home counties are lousy with them, Yaris, Jazz etc. they're like a filthy rash but often have panel damage from terrible parking. The trade pay a premium for minters but you should be able to outbid them easily.

In London you want a slushbox, no clutch(es) or synchro to wear out and driving on easy mode in traffic, slightly thirstier than a manual but lower running costs in reality because zero maintenance costs.

No, there are no reliable DSG gearboxes, basic slushboxes are reliable, SOME manuals are reliable but most Tiptronic or DSG type flappy paddle gearboxes are overly complex and rely too heavily on sophisticated electronics and computerisation. They're the solution to a problem nobody was having.

The Aircon compressor is permanently engaged, there is only a shear coupling behind the pulley which breaks if the compressor seizes.

If you're not getting 14.4V across the battery with the engine running then the alternator is toast in some way, shape or form. We could **** about changing this part or that but if you only want to do the job once then change the complete unit and do the belt as well while you're at it.

It sounds like your electrical control module has taken a dump, someone will be along who can advise no doubt.

To echo @Breezy_Pete, please ignore viscosity completely, it's effectively meaningless. As long as the oil meets the spec. 505.01 or 507 then it's fine.

Please stop looking for problems, if you look hard enough even on a brand new car you'll find something...

Worn main bearings can certainly cause crank seal failure but I'd be surprised if that's the problem. Are you certain that the leak is not from the sump joint since any oil leaking from the rear main seal would tend to stay inside the bell housing and not be visible?

@maccyhas nailed it, just replace the complete tensioner assembly and all will be well.

Oh dear, still, if you had taken it for a service they'd have diagnosed it for you soon enough!

There's your clue, a diesel will turn its oil black in a week, a petrol in a month.