Chuckle in Your Day

[KenONeill]

Tried to type "SnovemberIGGERing"; How many times do we have to explain that character$string is a different thing to $string before the nannyware gets fixed?

[Aspman]

USe Google TRanslate to change -

 

"Boris Johnson Carrots 100"

 

Into Welsh.

 

Phonetically NSFW.

[shyVRS245]

2 minutes ago, Aspman said:

USe Google TRanslate to change -

 

"Boris Johnson Carrots 100"

 

Into Welsh.

 

Phonetically NSFW.

You have far too much time on your hands.

[MikeTheThinker]

3 minutes ago, Aspman said:

Boris Johnson Carrots 100

 

Why the "100"?  Understand the rest

[Breezy_Pete]

32 minutes ago, StickyMicky said:

 

Why the "100"?  Understand the rest

Click the little loudspeaker symbol under the translation...

[Aspman]

41 minutes ago, StickyMicky said:

 

Why the "100"?  Understand the rest

 

100 in Welsh sounds like it Rhymes with 'hunt'

[mac11irl]

Just played that in the office

im on my own, so its okay 

[shyVRS245]

BMW driver excited to find free parking space next to the river.

[shyVRS245]

When the Captain said come aboard pretty sure he didn't mean her to bring her car!

[shyVRS245]

Think the boot wasn't quite big enough, oh well what could possibly go wrong?

[Aspman]

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/dad-arrives-at-airport-143-hours-early-20190807188008

 

A DAD has arrived for his flight fully prepared and 143 hours early, it has emerged.

Julian Cook and his wife took a taxi from their home to Bristol Airport six days before their flight was due to depart, with the 80-minute journey leaving them plenty of time to relax before boarding.

 

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/dashcam-footage-captures-bmw-driver-giving-thank-you-wave-20190807188011

 

DASHCAM footage has apparently captured the moment a BMW driver waved ‘thanks’ to a fellow motorist.

The 30-second clip appears to show a Honda Civic pausing to let the BMW X5 out at a T-junction, followed by the driver of the second car raising his hand in acknowledgement.

Experts have confirmed they believe it to be genuine.

[MikeTheThinker]

45 minutes ago, Aspman said:

100 in Welsh sounds like it Rhymes with 'hunt'

 

But wouldn't that suggest the named individual had some use? 

 

[shyVRS245]

Unpopular Welsh number plate C100 UNT withdrawn by DVLA.

[shyVRS245]

Mr Putin would not be impressed with his Elephant man tee shirt similarity.

[shyVRS245]

He was told it read "TORPEDO".

[KenONeill]

6 minutes ago, shyVRS245 said:

He was told it read "TORPEDO"

Of course, he can now say that his shirt is totally "dope".

[shyVRS245]

12 minutes ago, KenONeill said:

Of course, he can now say that his shirt is totally "dope".

Funny word DOPE either means stupid person or illegal drug. You might say it takes one to take the other.

[KenONeill]

1 minute ago, shyVRS245 said:

Funny word DOPE either means stupid person or illegal drug. You might say it takes one to take the other.

I thought there was also a third meaning that is the antonym of stoopid.

[mac11irl]

I dont mean to sound crude, but the half random scattering / spacing of the letterson that shirt... it also could be read as...

 

P  E  D O

 

Which to me is a much bigger problem than it saying dope.  

[shyVRS245]

Just now, mac11irl said:

I dont mean to sound crude, but the half random scattering / spacing of the letterson that shirt... it also could be read as...

 

P  E  D O

 

Which to me is a much bigger problem than it saying dope.  

Hence my use of the word TOR-PEDO. Didn't want to offend anyone by stating the obvious unfortunate choice of letters.

[lancpudn]

Waxing!

 

Seen a job advertised,preparing young ladies for waxing. Washing their bodies and applying oil after waxing. I turned up at the job centre and was told i had to go to Cornwall,"why there i asked." " That's where the back of the queue is"

[Aspman]

A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto, “To fly, to serve”?

The young woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto. “Winning the hearts of the world”?

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto. “Going beyond expectations”? The woman looks at him sternly and says, “What the **** do you want”?

“Aha”, he says,... "RyanAir".

[shyVRS245]

Just wondering now I am a Senior member and over 50 will I have benefits when contacting SAGA for an insurance quote? And looking into the future when I hit 60 will Colin make me a Senior Citizen Member?

[KenONeill]

Kilmarnock vs Hamilton Academicals from Rugby Park, Kilmarnock.

 

Accies have made history by playing 4 subs, but Kilmarnock won the match by bringing on 2 sloops!

[mac11irl]

Pick an anorak and gtfo after that one Ken 😛

 

 

it did make me chuckle a smidge thoygh.