Chuckle in Your Day

[MikeTheThinker]

[PG] - language

 

 

[Breezy_Pete]

Stone cold sober, I just peed in a bin by mistake. 

Two urinals in each bog at work and then an open-topped bin for paper towels between the sink and them. Once before I've found myself unzipping whilst stood in front of the bin rather than the urinal nearby. When I mentioned it to a workmate he said he'd done the same.

 

This time I was deep in thought about something I was intending to do at the weekend, and the first I knew of my error was the sound of 'water' hitting the used paper towels.  

[Breezy_Pete]

Inspired/reminded by Mike's post at the top of the page, this poster seen on an alarm-connected fire door once upon a time/place

 

 

[MikeTheThinker]

44 minutes ago, Wino said:

this poster seen on an alarm-connected fire door once upon a time/place

At least it doesn't tell you to pee on it!

[pinkpanther]

[@Lee]

[J.R.]

4 hours ago, pinkpanther said:

That would not work on so many levels even if you took the ballons to someone elses house.

 

However if you pumped up the ballons and then filled the house with argon it might dependant on the mass of the balloon.

[@Lee]

 

[@Lee]

When you're too lazy to fly...

 

[Arkaig]

[MikeTheThinker]

[MikeTheThinker]

The Torygraph's take on Boris' Wallpapergate this morning:

 

[Warrior193]

Possibly should have been worded differently, but spotted a 'pop-up' advert from Funeral Planning when I was checking Worldometer website for C-19 stats - under the heading - Funeral Directors report rise in cremations - quote "Funeral plans are cheap as chips" 

Unfortunate wording perhaps? 

[MikeTheThinker]

28 minutes ago, Warrior193 said:

Worldometer

Interesting site; thanks for the link.

[pinkpanther]

A man went into a supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower.

 

The very young greens produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers.

 

Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some ****er out there wants to buy half a cauliflower."

 

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added,

"And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

 

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

 

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"

 

"Cardiff, sir," the boy replied.

 

"Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked.

 

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players."

 

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff."

 

"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

[mac11irl]

when you go to a site meeting, and end up likely being "last man out" so get asked

" you alright to close the (farmland field) gate and lock up?" 
yeah, grand.
"sound, heres the lock"......

 

 

the lock...

 

 

[Breezy_Pete]

Did it work OK? That type can sometimes stick.

[Gaz]

8 hours ago, Wino said:

Did it work OK? That type can sometimes stick.

‘I am Groot’.

[KenONeill]

 Oxford-Astra-Zenica Covid innoculation; I know of one person who reported (on IdiotBook ;-) ) the side effect of a "lost iPad" and it subsequently turning up in an "unexpected pocket!" :-)

 

The name has been withheld to protect the guilty (and no that's not a mistake).

Edited 1 May, 2021 by KenONeill
Addl info

[MikeTheThinker]

Only in Florida ...

 

 

[KenONeill]

11 minutes ago, MikeTheThinker said:

Only in Florida

Copied pic to a friend who might like one.

[mac11irl]

39 minutes ago, MikeTheThinker said:

Only in Florida ...

 

 

 

i want one...

[MikeTheThinker]

32 minutes ago, mac11irl said:

 

i want one...

 

EU: https://kikkerlandeu.com/products/social-distance-zapper

 

UK: https://firebox.com/products/social-distancing-zapper

 

From your full-service philosopher

 

[pinkpanther]

[MikeTheThinker]

Of particular interest to our two-wheel users ...